anchored in light

A lifestyle blog about finding light in every avenue of life

Monday, April 28, 2014

Permission Granted

For a lot of my life I was afraid to do some things. Things like cooking, running, starting a blog, photography. Or, try new talents. I took away my own permission to do these things. Really, it was dumb.
Why?
I did it because I wasn't already good at these things. I knew people who did most of these things. I knew people who did these things well. I didn't want to be judged. I didn't want to seem like a poser. I was afraid that because these things weren't already a part of who I was, that I had no right to be adding them to who I am.
What kind of crap is that?
I'm not the only one who does this. We all deny ourselves permission all the time.
The real question is, who do you want to be? The real question is, what is stopping you?
For me, I have always had a big long list of who I wanted to be. Smart, funny, considerate, kind, spiritual, beautiful, a reader, a writer, a runner, a traveler, an adventurer, chef, fit, willing to serve, loyal, a good sister, a good daughter, patient. It was easy for me to write down everything that I wanted to be, who the ideal Rachael was in my head.
But, it always seemed like there were so many things stopping me from being what I wanted to be. I have believed myself to be lacking in talent. Not good enough to try the things that I wanted to be. I was stopping myself from being what I wanted to be. I still am in some ways. I have always been a dreamer, it was difficult for me to be anything, or anyone else.
So one day I gave myself permission. I told myself that it was ok to learn. It was ok to try. It was ok, to be whatever I wanted to be. I took my own life in my hands, and decided that I get to choose.
We all do.
Not that there aren't things that prevent us from doing what we want to do, but we have a measure of control. We have the ability to change our lives and all it takes is a choice.
So choose today to be what you want to be. Choose today to take control.


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