anchored in light

A lifestyle blog about finding light in every avenue of life

Thursday, May 29, 2014

The Lesson I keep having to learn

I have always been a black and white kind of girl, and I don't mean style wise. I have a deep seated belief in justice, right and wrong. It doesn't always serve me well. In fact, it rarely does. There's so much of the world that's gray.
I keep thinking that I've learned this lesson, but I keep realizing that I SUCK at this lesson. 
Don't misunderstand me. I am not often mistreated, but when I think too much about myself, I start to think that I've been mistreated. 
Yesterday I came head to head with my own selfishness. Thinking about how much I feel that I have to do. Things that are asked of me, that I don't feel are asked of others. Whether that be cleaning the kitchen or doing a favor for someone who wouldn't do one for me. 
I always try to keep score.
I know that I shouldn't, but I'm always counting in my head, what I gave up, what I never got back. It's a horrible horrible thing that I keep having to learn not to do. 
The fact is, that even if I try, I cannot count what others have given up for me. 
The fact is, I do not deserve anything. 
The fact is, that even if I count the hurts that have been caused to me, I cannot count the hurts that I have caused to others. 
Balancing the line between forgiving others and not letting myself be walked over has always been hard for me. I tend to swing hard one way or the other.
I have to fight being spiteful way more often than I would like to admit. Because it shouldn't matter how others treat me. At least, it should not affect the way that I treat them. 
And so this is a lesson that I will keep working on, that I will keep repeating in my head, until I don't have to fight the spite any more, and I can just love people the way that I should.
Until keeping score, is no longer who I am.  

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Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Chilling with my Grandpas

I don't know about you guys, but I don't usually visit graves. Not for Memorial Day. Not ever really. It's not that I don't love these people, it's just that I think that they know when I'm thinking about them. I'm pretty sure that I don't have to be at their grave for them to feel that I love them and miss them. 
This year, however, my little sister and I went out to my Grandpa Bacca's and my Grandpa Campbell's graves. I actually have another grandpa but I've been to his grave more recently than I have these two.
It was kind of weird since we didn't really remember where they were buried and had to get directions from my brother. A person should know where their flesh and blood is buried right?
But once we got there, it was beautiful. I really don't know if I can describe the way that it felt to me. The cemeteries were packed with flowers, cars lining the road, people walking all through the grass. It was a party really. Not a wild and crazy party, not a laugh really loud party, but a party none the less. 
We visited my grandpa Bacca first. 
 Truth be told, he was probably my favorite grandpa. Ha ha, probably because I never got in trouble when I was over at his house. I don't ever remember the man raising his voice to me. He was just a cute old man, with a little shuffly gait and a smile who sometimes spoke spanish to us. 
 Next we went to grandpa Campbell's. We had a hard time finding his actually. But a nice man told us how to get a map. It was really weird driving into this cemetery. I can still remember the fire truck and the giant flag hanging from the ladder. All of my grandpas were involved in the military or police force. My grandpa Bear (Campbell) was a cop. He was a giant of a man, both physically and spiritually. I loved him and how he would sing to us.  



 If you look carefully, you can see the bountiful temple over the top of the grave stone.
It was a beautiful day and a wonderful weekend! I hope that you all enjoyed it. I'm so grateful for all the people who have made my home a safe place to live, both here and abroad. 
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Sunday, May 25, 2014

Paper Heart Poet "Fallen"


Well, I finally got that last envelope placed and made a new one! The last one only got placed in a book a week ago. It would seem that when you really want to go to the library it just doesn't happen. I was going to put it in my favorite book, but it wasn't at the library at the time. So I put it in Once Upon a Marigold :)


 This one is a little churchy. I actually composed it whilst (sorry, I just love the word whilst!) waiting to do baptisms at the Timpanogos Temple! It was a REALLY long wait. But that's ok. I don't usually mind when that happens.


Fallen

I walked the path with many
clothed in brightest white
we walked with packs so heavy
no end within our sight

I watched them turn away
let them take me by the hand
I walked in my own way

I discovered cliffs were steep
hearts that were empty
oceans that were deep

my dress became so tattered 
tainted black and brown
it was then that I decided
it was time to turn around

then I saw him standing
he'd been with me all along
he had seen me weak
Now he sees me strong

I don't usually approve of rhyming poems. Ha ha at least not written by me. They tend to come off insincere and contrived. Which, yeah, they are. Not the insincere part. Anyway, this one just kind of ended up that way. 

Hope you like it! If you have any suggestions on books to put it in (I'm thinking Screwtape Letters or Mere Christianity, love me some C.S. Lewis!) let me know below! :)
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Saturday, May 24, 2014

Lord of The Rings/Snow Hike

I finally got back out into the wilderness! Yes! 
We decided to do the snow hike because it's one of Hatred's and my favorite hikes! That's Hatred on the far left there :) Merr joined us this time though. Also, I should probably note that the trail is actually called the "Mill B North Fork" trail. But that's so boring! We found it last year when we were trying to go hike Donut Falls (see, that is a REAL trail name! It even invites you to get donuts after!) but it was blocked off.
The trail head for this one is in the middle of the road. Literally, there's an S bend and the parking lot is in the middle. You have to cross the street to go up the mountain!
 No snow this year, but here's a peek from last year!
As you can probably not tell at all, last year the river was still running, but everything was coated in ice! It was actually really beautiful. Nice and green this year though!


 
Last year above, this year below! Please ignore my odd hand. Clearly I need to work on my group selfies :)

 Only a couple of the wild flowers were in bloom, but they were beautiful! Someday I'll know their names...
 Can't you just year Lord of the Rings playing in the background? We may or may not have sung it along the way...

 This was the highest we got to before turning back, and of course we needed evidence!

Our view of the valley just before we headed back down!

So that was yesterday's adventure! What adventures are you planning for the long weekend? :)
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Thursday, May 22, 2014

Unwanted Dreams

I am a dreamer. I dream in the sunshine, I dream in the dark. I dream while reading and writing and speaking. My dreams have always been a little bit different. Mostly because they involve a lot of running, a lot of death. Mostly mine. 

As far back as I can remember I have dreamt about being chased. About people trying to kill me. After awhile I just let them. Why fight it?

Not only are my dreams about running, but beyond content, they're always hyper realistic. I feel tired if I run too long. I feel cold if I'm outside. And I feel pain when a knife slices me open. It doesn't scare me.

What scares me is when the dreams are about people I know. When someone I care about dies. Or, when someone I loved shows up again.

I can't tell you the number of dreams I had after I first had my heart well and truly broken. The way he would come back for me. The way it messed me up for days, even when I was awake. The way I prayed for the dreams to stop. The way I made him promise it wasn't a dream, just to wake up and find out that it was.

I had a dream like that the other night. Not about an ex- boyfriend (well... yeah) but about an ex-best friend. My best friend of almost 8 years. The first one I have ever decided to let go because I couldn't handle it anymore. I dreamt that we were best friends again. He came back for me. And just like years ago when I made my first love promise it wasn't a dream, I made him promise. Promise promise promise.

But it was.

It was a dream and I had to drag myself out of bed in the morning. I had to go to work. I had to pretend I wasn't all shattered inside all over again. 

How do you move on from that? How do you explain to the world that today hurts because of something that never happened?
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Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Truly Random

1. I love my bruises. I know, weird right? But I have always bruised easily and basically, I decided that it was pretty awesome. Evidence of my battles (ha ha if you count losing to furniture that is...).

I mean come on! It usually looks like a baby star is being born. 
One time I foolishly tried to sled down Old Main Hill in Logan. Did you know that if you don't start trying to stop the moment you start moving you'll fly off into the street and possibly be hit by cars? True fact. Probably don't sled down old main hill, but if you do make that mistake, let me tell you the bruises can be EPIC!

2. I have never pulled an all nighter. Ever.
Once I kind of did, but... I took a nap around midnight and then stayed up till 7 am. I really don't think that it's physically possible for me.

3. I hate shopping. But I love clothes.

This has gotten a little better over the years, but it literally drains all the energy out of me. When I was younger I would just sit on the floor after awhile. 

4. I frequently take pictures of little things that I find beautiful.

Yes, I find oil beautiful, even if it's bad for the environment.

5. I sleep with a teddy bear named Beary. 
The rules are, you don't mess with Beary. You can mess with me, but touch the bear and things get ugly.
Ha ha I didn't even sleep with a stuffed animal till I asked for one for my birthday when I was 7 I think. I thought it was cool that other people did, so I wanted to be cool.
Also, I feel like that painting in the background is super creepy. There's a face in it! Just sayin'!

Anyway, there are the facts for today, hope you enjoyed the random stories! Share some facts of your own in the comments :)
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Tuesday, May 20, 2014

"Count on me, to remember who you are"

In case you're not a Cartel fan, that quote is from one of their songs. In fact, this song...


It has come to my attention, more often recently, that I am forgotten by those who used to know me. It really hit me when I went to the wedding reception of one of my little sister's friends. I know her too, but she's more her friend than mine. 
In any case, she has a sister that I went to high school with. In fact, we were in the same stake (lived in the same area) all the time I've lived here, and were music partners in choir. I even went to her house a few times. 
Charissa and I were going through the line and got to her parents. They smiled and hugged my sister while she explained that I was her sister. They both acted like they'd never seen me before.
This isn't the first time this has happened. 
To be honest, it really hurts me when this happens. I like attention. I like to be noticed. I like to think that I'm pretty memorable.
But it got me thinking. Maybe this was meant to be this way. Maybe people forgetting my face and my name is to teach me to walk quietly. To teach me to help others shine. It shouldn't matter to me whether I'm remembered. I don't need everyone to know what I have sacrificed (something I struggle with often). 
It may just teach me to remember others, because I have been forgotten. 

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Monday, May 19, 2014

Ariel Lops off her locks!

 My dearest little sister chopped off her hair this last week. This amazing girl donated her hair to locks of love. Of course we had to document the length before we chopped it off!

We had so much fun with this shoot! Charissa and I like to randomly go take pictures. We may or may not be a little vain... but it's ok.
The best was directing her on how to pose, "Think of your door!" Referring to a glamour shot that she keeps on her door. Or, "you look uncertain of your place in the world". I decided not to include the pictures where she looks like a murder victim. Turns out that if you have a white  fair person lay on the grass, you just look dead.


 Isn't she gorgeous? :)

 Doesn't she look like the Hipster Ariel??


She didn't even tell anyone she was going to do it (Except me). My mom was so surprised!



Here's the after! I'm so proud of my little Koni! She looks beautiful! Hair short, or long :)

Have you ever cut your hair for locks of love? Or, in secret? :)
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Friday, May 16, 2014

Waterfall french braid with a twist :)

So I made up this braid for my little sister for a wedding reception she was going to. Can I just say that pretty hairstyles are always most complimented on redheads? I swear, the color gets their attention but the style keeps it ;)



It's pretty simple to do!

Start by braiding the bangs back, once you reach the temple start dropping hair. If you don't already know how to do a waterfall braid, here's a link to a video Waterfall Braid Tutorial.

 Braid all the way across to the other side, angling just a little down.
 Make sure you get all the hair from the other side. Basically the same amount of hair as if you were pulling the hair back into a small ponytail.
 Braid it all the way down.
Then go back to the side you started braiding on and you're going to start another french braid.

Add the hair you dropped when you're adding hair to the top of your braid and the hair you didn't use, pull in from the bottom.
Braid that all the way across and use the Waterfall braid to add into the braid once you reached the other side.




Good luck if you try it!
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