anchored in light

A lifestyle blog about finding light in every avenue of life

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

I Saw the fault in our stars

 I have always loved long hair. Ever since i was small. I think partially because I thought that to be a princess, you had to have long hair, but partially for another reason that I haven't really told too many people.
 I saw The Fault In Our Stars last week with two of my very best friends. It rocked me to the core in a way that I find hard to explain, but I'll try. Books like that. Movies like that. Aren't really entertainment for me, because they're too real. 
Because I have always felt two things for a surety. First, that my church was true, since before I really knew what that meant. 
Second, that I was going to die young.
 Let me make this abundantly clear. I am healthy. I am completely fine. At the rate I'm going, I will probably outlive all of my siblings.
But facts don't change feelings.
 And so, since I found out the ways that people usually die young, I had always thought that I would probably get cancer of some sort.
I loved long hair, because I felt that at some point, I would have to endure being bald.
 So I hung onto my long hair. And in high school when they did locks of love my sophomore year, I refused to cut it. Why should I have to, I thought. It was my hair, and who knew how long I would have to enjoy it. 
 But Junior year rolled around and all the people commented on how long my hair was. Told me to cut it. I felt selfish. I felt guilty. I felt that it was something that I had to do. Partially because I was so against it, I felt that I had to do it, to let go of it.
 So the December after I turned 16, my best friend cut my hair in front of the whole school, with scores of other girls. I didn't shed a tear. I was brave.
Until it took years for it to grow back.
And I swore that I would never cut it for locks of love again.
After all, I'd paid my dues.
 But, I changed my mind. I grew up I guess. I decided that I could be brave. I decided that I could still be beautiful, even if I didn't have long hair. 
I could still FEEL beautiful, even if I didn't have long hair.
So I debated about cutting it for over a year.
Last Tuesday, I cut off two braids and 11 inches. Because I didn't need that hair anymore. Because it could help make someone else feel beautiful.

Because it isn't about paying dues. It isn't about putting in your time. It's about helping people. That's what we should live for. That's what I'm trying to live for.
And I'll tell you what. I have never felt so pretty.

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