anchored in light

A lifestyle blog about finding light in every avenue of life

Monday, September 8, 2014

The Secret Keeper

I am a horrible secret keeper. 
I have always been a horrible secret keeper. 
Well... that's not exactly true. When I was little I was a horrible secret keeper. Then, as I got older and got some secrets of my own, I got pretty good about keeping my mouth shut. 
I had this idea that I was keeping all these secrets for my future husband, so that he would know all these secret things about me that no one else knew. In fact, I would say that's one of the things that has torn some of my relationships apart. Because I didn't know if they were "the one" and so I couldn't tell them the secrets. I had to save something for my future spouse! So that I could say, "I've never told anyone but you."
One day I decided that I probably wouldn't know whether or not a man was "the one", and suddenly all the secrets came out. 
Seriously, I don't think that there's a single thing that I haven't told SOMEBODY along the way. 
And so, I became horrible at keeping secrets. People tell me I'm not allowed to tell someone else and all of the sudden I'm dying. Like I'm a pressurized cannon and someone's squeezing the trigger, but not pulling. 
It seems like when this happens I have to tell everyone everything else, but the secret. Because I can't tell that. So I tell them all the things, EXCEPT that. I tell them about the weird little details of my life that aren't really secrets, but that they just aren't around to observe. 
It seems to happen most when I'm the passenger in a car and the driver isn't talking. Suddenly word vomit of every thought I've ever had comes spilling out. I'm even thinking to myself, stop talking! Why are you talking about this? This was something you decided  you'd never discuss with anyone (example, I do something stupid or embarrassing by myself and swear to never tell anyone. Guaranteed it spills out of my mouth in the next 10 minutes after I see someone I know.)
So here I am, keeping a secret and spilling to all you lovely people the inner workings of my mind. 
You're welcome. I hope you enjoyed the ramble :) 
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