anchored in light

A lifestyle blog about finding light in every avenue of life

Thursday, October 2, 2014

I am enough.

I was watching a vlogbrother's video the other day. The one that... well, this one.
And it got to the part when he's saying that girls don't exist for boys to like them. Or to find them attractive. 
Which is very true, but it's also one of those things that we both know to be true and believe to be false. 
Because obviously the number of boys that are chasing me equals my self worth right? Think about it for just a minute. How many times in your life have you based your self worth on whether or not a boy/girl liked you? Or whether or not someone wanted to date you?
I don't know about you, but I am completely guilty of this. After every breakup, or disappointment in finding out that someone doesn't actually want to date me, I have a little conversation with myself that goes like this.
"Again. Really? Again. I don't know if I can do this again! How could this happen? What did I do wrong? Was I not pretty enough? Not smart enough? Not funny enough? Where am I falling short? I need to be better, or I'll never get anyone, because after all, who would want me? I'm just Rachael. I'm not anything special. If I were, this wouldn't have happened."
All of these are real conversations inside my head. I know that I'm pretty, I know that I'm smart, I know that I'm funny and spiritual and all the good things that I want to be, definitely far short of perfect in these things, but overall I like who I am. But the moment a boy comes into the picture, suddenly I'm measuring everything based on whether or not it was enough for him, rather than, is it enough for me?
I have just as many insecurities as the next person, possibly because I'm pretty. I worry that that's all the boys are interested in, and then once they get to know me, my personality isn't enough to keep them interested. Or, conversely, that I'm just a novelty attraction, fun to flirt with, but not someone to keep.
But, even though I believe in families and I want to be married someday, it all comes back to one thing. That whether or not a boy likes me is just a small part of my life. I am so much more than whether or not I have a date on Friday night. I am more than the number of boys who tell me I'm pretty or ask for my number. 
I am more. I am more than enough. 
And that is exactly what I'm going to keep reminding myself, because I'll probably have another one of those conversations with myself again. 
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2 comments:

  1. Rachael, you are so great! I love your insights and I always feel better after reading your posts. Thanks for being willing to share your thoughts and feelings.

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    1. Thanks Kathryn! I appreciate that! Ha ha sometimes it's scary having a blog, so it's good to know that you like it! :)

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