My Word for 2015

Each year, for the past few years (read:2) I've chosen a word for the year. I still make lists of goals (I'm currently up to 21 goals for the new year...), but I try and choose an overarching theme. This year, my word was Trust. If you haven't guessed already, I have a horrible time trusting people. It's hard for me to believe that people have good intentions, especially when this was the year that my best friend of 8 years decided that we weren't really going to be friends anymore. More than that though, I have a hard time trusting God. I know that He wants what is best for me and that he wants me to be happy, but sometimes I can't help feeling that he also wants to take everything from me that I really want. 
That's not really a good way to live. 
So I decided to choose Trust, and readied myself for a humdinger of a year. I was just sure that this year I was asking God to throw everything at me and then laugh while I tried to cope and hold onto my word. 
He didn't. 
I definitely had struggles this year. It was hard and I had to really learn the principle of "But if not.." but overall, He had my back. He took care of me, and Heaven knows that He kept me sane this year when things did not go my way. I definitely wasn't perfect at my word, but I definitely think that I grew this year. 

So, for the coming year, I chose the word Diligence. I have a lot of things that I should be doing, but I only get about half of them done half the time. So this next year I want to try and do better at that. I'm thinking about also choosing Kindness as my word for this coming year (I know, now I'm getting crazy, two words! For one year?). I think I struggle with being kind more than I'd like to. 

What are your goals for the coming year? If you were to pick a word to focus on, what would you choose? 

In case you were wondering what I chose last year, it was Balance. That one will probably crop up again. Also, if you were curious about the other goals I made for next year...

1. Read 10 Church books (autobiographies, things written by apostles...)
2. 1 hour of Violin per week
3. Write every day
4. 365 days of scripture study
5. 1 institute class per semester, and graduate from Institute
6. 365 conference talks
7. 52 temple visits
8. 12, 24 hour fasts
9. All three hours of church, 52 Sundays (I tend to not do this when I go to homecomings, or farewells, or those sorts of things)
10. Prayer on Knees morning and night 365 days
11. Kinder to everyone
12. Better blogging :)
13. Run twice a week
14. 100% visiting teaching
15. Study the Sunday School and Relief Society Lessons
16. Temple Prep
17. Revise one book
18. Finish at least 2 first drafts
19. Memorize 25 scriptures
20. Index 250 names
21. Take 5 names to the temple. 

I thought I was getting Fat...

So we've talked about how I am a skinny girl. I think it's one of those things that is kind of obvious, but anyway, yeah, I am a skinny girl. However, while I never have had an eating disorder, I have always been terrified of getting fat. And probably not for the reasons that you think. Or maybe, who knows what normal people think about getting fat. Anyway, the reason I have been afraid to get fat is partially because I have never in living memory been fat (I was kind of a chunky little baby), but also because being skinny is part of my identity. I have always been the skinny one. It's part of what you might describe me as if you were trying to ask someone if they knew me.

My friend has been getting skinnier and skinnier. And has rapidly been approaching my weight (I hover around 116-124), and so when he told me he was almost there, I thought it would be funny to see if I weighed more than him. I hadn't checked my weight on the scale for awhile and I've been pretty active as of late (trying to get into running and going dancing once a week), so I figured it wouldn't even be close. 

I ran off to the scale and weighed myself.
129

Wait, what?

129. I have never weighed 129 in my life. Never. Not even in college when I was eating either ramen noodles or fast food. 

Really not funny.

I tried to tell myself that it was no big deal, that I must have gained muscle weight or something. I went back out and told everyone, trying to be non-chalant that I now weighed both more than I have in my entire life, and also that I now weighed more than my friend. 

Inside I was screaming.  Should I be running more? Eating less crap? Maybe the day had finally come when my metabolism broke and I'd be sentenced to being fat for the rest of my life and never get to eat another french fry. In the words of hyperbole and a half, that would be too many. 

I tried not to worry about it, especially because I had Zero time to do anything about it with our Disneyland trip only a few days away. I considered running on vacation. Finding a way not to eat the bad food. But in the end, I decided to do nothing and hope that I could pretend that this was all a bad dream. My jeans still fit fine. I didn't look fat to myself, but that number on the scale was eating me alive. 

We got back from vacation, and I decided to weigh myself again. Praying that the number had gone down, and really praying that I hadn't somehow tripped over the 130 mark.

I stepped on the scale. 128.3. No dice. Even with all the walking at Disneyland. I was still dead in the water. (forgive me for the many water references lately. I just wrote a novel about mermaids...).

Then my little sister picked up the scale and moved it. She had me step on the scale again. I doubted that anything would change, but I did it.

122.0

I felt like laughing. Screaming, jumping for joy! I hadn't gotten fat! I could still be the skinny girl. The scale literally was broken. Or, apparently does not measure accurately unless it is on a level surface. 

But it got me to thinking. What am I going to do when I do get fat? Or at the very least, pregnant? (I sincerely hope to never get fat.) To be honest. I don't really know. I don't know what I'm going to do when the day comes that. I don't know how I will cope with not being the skinny girl. All I know is that I am so grateful that I'm not getting fat. And yes, I know that 130 would not make me fat. Clearly it would not hurt me a bit to gain a little weight, the real problem is that my body likes to hover lower. So if I go over that, then maybe my whole body will be broken and swing far to the other side. I was worried not that I would be 130, but that the number wouldn't stop there. 

So I don't have all the answers, but I thought that it was worth sharing. I have insecurities, yes. 

Solid, Liquid and Gas

The last few months have been absolutely crazy. I've been busy. I've been sleep deprived. I have been stressed out of my mind. I have gone past my breaking point and had to keep moving because there was no other option. 

The other night, I was talking with Hatred! and Merr about the Christmas Carol. We were talking about the Ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Future. Merr did something amazing. She equated them to Solids, Liquids, and Gas. 

The Past is solid. There is nothing that we can do to change it. It is what it is and it will continue to be what it is no matter what we do.

The Present is liquid. It's flowing constantly and moving from Present to past. It's always coming at us and it can change.

The Future is gas. It's the most volatile, changing and unattainable as holding a handful of air. 

Right now it really seems like the present is a liquid. Coming at me straight in the face and forcing its way down my throat. 

But, you know what, like A Christmas Carol, I have found a bit of a happy ending. I have learned that I can breathe water. I am much more amphibious than I had ever supposed. I wouldn't have known that if life hadn't forced my head underwater like Life Waterboarding. I have been keel hauled the last few months, but I can swim. Just so long as I don't keep thinking to myself that I can't breathe underwater, because that, is when I drown. 

The Christmas Vacation

Guess who was so busy sewing outfits for Disneyland after NaNoWriMo was over that I didn't even really think about the blog since the beginning of this month? Well, actually that's kind of a false statement, I thought about it a lot, but it got put on the back burner. Mostly because I lost my mind these past few months. Seriously, I have been so sleep deprived, stressed, and busy that I will probably do almost nothing until Christmas break is over. I won't even feel bad about it. 

And because I know you're all DYING to see my disneyland pictures...

1. The traditional Once Upon A Time picture. Seriously, this is tradition
2. We were waiting to line up for world of color and so decided to take a bunch of selfies for the game, "Reaction Face". I think this one was "if you won a million dollars."
3. Our nails that we did for Disneyland. These are actually Charissa's, and if I do say so myself, I did a pretty good job with that castle...
4. Pirate Day while waiting to go into Indiana Jones!
5. My Minnie dress! I can't WAIT to go dancing in this baby. And it has POCKETS!
6. The castle :)
7. Rapunzel in Beast's library!
8. The ocean. Oh, the ocean... I needed that. So much. Literally our miracle on 34th street (because the beach was on 34th street! :) )
9. Charissa on the beach
10. Belle day, once again in Beast's library
11. World of color at the floating lanterns part! Oh how I love Tangled.
12. Charissa's wicked sweet Ariel outfit. Seriously, she got a lot of comments. It was epic.
13. Charissa on pirate day!
14. The sunset on the drive home from California 
15. Our last night there and we finally got a picture in front of the Mickey.
16. And the traditional And They Lived Happily Ever After Picture!

Also, I feel you should all know that apparently vacations don't like me! I got 3 new bruises and sprained my toe! What a jerk right?

It was a wonderful vacation though! Seriously, I think I rode Indiana Jones and Pirates at least 5 times a piece. I also ate a turkey leg, ate at the Carnation Cafe once, had their hot chocolate and popcorn and had ice cream from the Ghirardelli ice cream place, and of course, a Dole Whip. Other than that I was hungry almost the whole trip. I got full, but never satisfied. You know how that feels? Well, while we were on the road we ate well, but when we got there I stayed hungry. 

Also, I keep planning to have  Dole Whip off with all the pinterest Dole Recipes, but I still haven't done it.

Anyway... 

Are you going on vacation? If you could go to Disneyland tomorrow, which ride would you want to ride most?

I will for sure write another post before Christmas, but I'm going to do this anyway, 

Merry Christmas!!!

So You Want To Be My Best Friend...

So, I was going to give you all a list of all the people I have ever been friends with, but then I realized that I would then have to come up with pseudonyms for all of them... and that is a lot of pseudonyms. So instead, I give you the steps to becoming my best friend (because you know you want a fancy pseudonym).

1. Remember my name. 
I know, this is super difficult. I can't tell you the number of times I have been called Rachelle (which I actually like that name. It's just not mine). 

2. Ask to hang out with me.
I can't tell you the number of times I wasn't sure that someone was my friend until they invited me to do something. Also, I always have this fear that if I call someone to hang out and they don't want to, then they'll hang out with me because they feel like they have to. 

3. Listen to me. (AKA don't cut me off)
Maybe this should actually be a how not to make me hate you list... anyway, I have spent a lot of my life listening to other people because they cut me off, and while I would love to listen to you, there's got to be reciprocation.

4. Make a list of all the things we should do.
Somehow with almost every best friend I've ever had we've created a list of things we should do together. Hike someplace. Go ride horses. Drive somewhere...

5. Get into the inside jokes.
Because we will have a lot of them. Probably too many. It's a thing I will not apologize for. 

6. Love me for me, and I'll love you for you.
We don't have to be exactly the same, that would be boring and probably annoying. I don't have to approve of everything you do and you don't have to approve of everything I do, but if you love me anyway, then you are a keeper my friend. 

7. Be loyal.
Enough said.

Ok so there it is! Alright, here is the list of best friends too...
1. Purple Leader
2. Hair Cutter
3. Horse Rider
4. Prima Ballerina
5. Two Pint
6. Bruiser
7. Hooker
8. Paper Rose
9. Smiles
10. The Best of Both Worlds
11. Breakfast at Tiffany's
12. Wingman
13. Care Bear 
14. Super Great
15. Ginger Snap

So, what does it take to be YOUR best friend? 'Cause hey, I'd like a fancy pseudonym too :)

Happy Random Fact Wednesday! Hope you all have a great day!

Life Lately, A Ramble

I just love when I make notes about blog posts that I want to write and then completely forget what I meant by them. For example, "The Martyrs list".  I have no idea what that means. Seriously, no idea. 

So instead of telling you about that (whatever that is), I'm going to give you a couple updates on life! Since I haven't done the weekend recaps lately (Partially because I wasn't sure if people even liked them and partially because I was really busy and didn't take any pictures last month). 

First of all, this happened.

 

I got brave and chopped my hair back again. This is the shortest I've ever gone! Day two and I still love it! However, since I've never gone this short before, there's a chance that someday I'll start missing my long hair. Oh me and my hair...

Second, I survived NaNoWriMo and for the first time, actually finished the first draft within the 30 days, not just hitting 50000 words!

I don't know which was worse, last November or this one. I was behind more consistently than I've ever been before, which is not something that you want to be doing. I skipped dancing once to catch up because I was 5000 words behind... but I finished a day ahead! That's right, a novel in 29 days and this is the second first draft that I've finished this year!

Remember the dance fight?

My little sister ended up being my partner (although my nephew was a close second choice) and if you ask me, we totally won. Our competition didn't really even fight us for it!

Basically what happened with the dance fight in the first place is that I thought it was just a joke... but then turned into a real thing.

If you were wondering what I'm currently reading (because I'm always reading something)

Defiance by C.J. Redwine

The Belgariad by David Eddings

I also just saw The Giver. I really liked it! How did everyone else feel about it? We were going to see Maze Runner as well, but dollar theaters... 1 hour of waiting for them to fix the movie and they gave up and gave us vouchers. 

Anyway, my new camera is coming today! I'm really excited and I will be a better blogger this month, promise :)