anchored in light

A lifestyle blog about finding light in every avenue of life

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Add Them to "The List"

I was sitting in church on Sunday, trying to think of what goals I wanted to make for the week and it occurred to me that I'd forgotten about "The List". 
Now, for those of you who don't know, "The List" is something that I shouldn't have had to make, but something that I did make and I'm glad that I did.
The list was simply a list of people that I had problems with. People that I "hated" or strongly disliked for various reasons.
  • They annoyed me
  • They never bothered to remember my name
  • They were mean to my little sister at some point (that will get you on the list faster than you can say, "What's the list?")
  • People that wished someone would drop me because I flirted with the boy that they liked.
  • People who hurt me that I hadn't been able to forgive
The list was... extensive. And every time I told someone about the list they reminded me of someone that I still needed to add to the list. 
I made the list for a reason. Not so that I could have a list of people that I hated, but because I knew that it was bad to have a list, even if it was mental. I made the list so I could try and get over disliking these people.
I made the list so I would remember who I needed to pray for. 
Still, it was hard. It was discouraging to have a list so long that it didn't seem I'd be able to get over it. Especially the people who were on the list for deep hurts. Mine or someone close to me. 
I'd pull out the list before my night-time prayers and peek at it as I tried to remember everyone who I needed to forgive. 
I listed and prayed for them by name most nights. Some nights I'd just ask for a blessing on everyone on the list. 
After a few months, I kind of stopped. Not because I'd forgiven everyone on the list, but because I forgot about the list.
I forgot about the list until Sunday. 
As I sat there, thinking about the list, I realized that those people didn't really bother me so much anymore. No, the list is not gone. There are still people that I need to forgive, but the list is much smaller now, and I can tell that the people on it won't necessarily stay there forever. 
I'm not saying that you need to make a list, but maybe it might help. I'm just saying that it helped me. I'm grateful that I made the list. I'm grateful that through prayer I was able to get over some of the hurt that these people had caused me. 
That's the thing about praying for people. At least for me, it's really hard to do while simultaneously hating them. Even if that's how you start out. The longer you pray for them, the more you see them the way they really are. The glaring errors that you noticed before fade into the background and you see the good of them. 
So go ahead. Make a list. I dare you :)
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