anchored in light

A lifestyle blog about finding light in every avenue of life

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Monday Moments

I know that I've been a little MIA this week. However, I have a valid excuse! My older sister got married last week! She got married in Mesquite so we went out of town last Thursday and didn't get back until Saturday. 

Things have been crazy!

And to top it off, my own wedding is one week from tomorrow! AH!! In case you were wondering I'm only stressed out to the extreme. That's all. Nothing serious. 

Anyway, onto Monday moments! And I promise at least one more Love Story post before I get married :)

This was taken right after we got our marriage license :)

The Sunset on our way down to Mesquite! :)

This was the beautiful pool at our hotel/casino :)

My beautiful sister lacing my other beautiful sister into her wedding dress. That's right, she rocked a black wedding dress :)

3 Generations of blue suits! :)

That present ended up to be a pasta maker. That's right! A pasta maker. I was freaking out! I can't wait to figure out how to make some delicious homemade pasta. Some homemade gluten free pasta for the Captain. 

I am so grateful for all of you for reading! I can't wait to share my bridals on here :) You guys will love them!

How was your weekend? 
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Monday, October 19, 2015

Monday Moments

Hey there everyone! I hope that you are all having a great Monday so far! Things are in full wedding mode over here with my older sister getting married on Friday and my wedding is only a week and a half away. 
Prayers and good vibes are appreciated ;)

The Captain and I celebrated 1 year since we started hanging out on a regular basis, so he sent me these flowers at work, but this little beauty bloomed the next day!

Oh my love for the Blonde Joke will never die. Merr is coming out for my wedding! She and Hatred are also throwing my bachelorette party, it's going to be some good times.

Hatred and I decided to try JCW's. I was impressed with their fries! The burger was good too. I may or may not have taken all that lettuce off the burger before I ate it though. Don't judge. I didn't really love all the TVs in there though, Hatred and I kept getting distracted by Shark Tank :)

I painted this on Saturday and because I'm a romantic shmuck I had to take some pictures of it with my ring 

My little sister and I were tasked with making dinner last night, and although I don't approve breakfast for dinner, I must say that it turned out pretty well! :)

Well, I am really looking forward to this week! I'm excited to watch my sister start her happily ever after and count down more days until I start mine! Thank you so much for reading everyone! :)
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Sunday, October 18, 2015

Fasting Journal

I don't know how Fast Sunday goes down for you guys, but I am a pretty terrible faster (hence almost every year I make a goal to do better at fasting). When I say that I'm a terrible faster, I mean that I often forget that it's Fast Sunday until the day before or the day of and then I have to quickly think of something to fast for.

9/10 I think of something that I think that I need and fast for that. Then while I'm fasting, I think of other, better things that I could have fasted for. I then resolve to plan ahead next time and think of something good to fast for BEFORE the day of.

And I inevitably forget to do so.

Or, I'll think of something I want to fast for. Then I open my fast with a prayer and then about halfway through my fast I can't remember what I was fasting for.

Like I said, I'm a bad faster. 

So I thought that it might be a good idea to write down what I was fasting for, as well as the ideas that I had for what I might fast for. Not only would this be a way for me to remember during my fast what I should be focusing on, but I thought that it also would be a great way for me to look back at what I've fasted for before and give me an opportunity to see how the Lord has answered those fasts. 

I haven't actually had a chance to try this yet, as I thought of it in the middle of my fast last week, but I am curious, has anyone else tried this? How has it worked out for you? What are your thoughts and feelings about fasting? 

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Friday, October 16, 2015

Writing Journal #3

Before I get to the writing journal entry that I'm sharing for this week, I just wanted to say that I had no idea that BookTubing was a thing. Like for seriously. I hung out with Hatred earlier this week and we were talking about books (like we do) and she was telling me all about it! She recently started her own BookTubing channel and I couldn't believe that me, as a reader, had never even heard of it! Anyone else never heard of it? Because for a long time I was reading about 3 books a week and obviously I should have known, right? 
Anyway, you should check out her channel! She's pretty fantastic :)

Writing Journal #3

I put words on a page. For me. Yes, also for an audience. Ultimately, for me. Because I need to create. To tell everyone what it feels like to sit right here, a breeze from the fans on my arms and legs, the wind in the trees shuddering like water in streams. 

To sit here and know your mom is grilling your little sister for information about your life that you won't tell her. 

Because most of the time I don't know how I feel. I can't spill my guts until I know what they'll look like laid out on the table. Until I know what to spill and what to hold back.

I have a kaleidoscope mind. Every second twisting and creating new patterns.

Decisions are hard. They set pieces, and create moving blocks. I have to like them first. 
I am the "Ideal" child and what if my thoughts aren't good enough? So I clam up. Ponder and coat every idea like a grain of sand. 

Hopefully the end result is a pearl, because mostly it just feels like a rock. Nothing like quartz or even obsidian, just garden variety gray and jagged. 

And people wonder why I have walls? I'm very tender underneath it all.

I'm still thinking about whether she is mad at me or not. I caught the unspoken words and they stuck in my hands like daggers. She probably doesn't even know that she threw them. May not have thrown them. But I'm still bleeding. Maybe I cut myself. Am I a tortured soul? Do I like the torture? Do I want to be a victim just so I can look like a warrior? Because that is true, I want to be a warrior. 

Thanks for reading! As always, let me know what you thought in the comments! And if any of you are writers, I'm curious to know if you wonder those same things, or how you just feel about being a writer :)

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Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Love Story Part 7: The Moments that Changed Everything

When I say that I started running. I don't mean literally. I mean figuratively. I do run in real life, but I am an ultramarathoner when it comes to running away emotionally. I had lost a lot of people in my life. A lot of best friends, and I knew that I could be just fine on my own. So even though The Captain was kind and understanding about my mistake. I was not kind and understanding to myself about it. I prepared to cut all ties. 

I'd taken him to the airport before Thanksgiving so that he could visit his family. And I didn't really miss him that much. I could do this. 

I picked him up from the airport after he came back a few days later, and I'm sure he could tell the shift in my mood toward him. I told him that I was going to have to spend more time at my house. My family was going on Vacation to Disneyland and we had planned to sew outfits to wear there. And I hadn't even started because of all the things I had going on in November.

It was the perfect excuse to let things kind of die a natural death. I'd have to spend less time with him, and then I'd be gone for over a week and then he'd just slide away.
Or so I thought. He ended up coming over every day to sit on my couch and occasionally rub my shoulders when they got tense from leaning over the sewing machine.

When we were 4 days from leaving and I was sending him home he said something to the effect of, "I might not see you again before you leave" and I said "Nope! Probably not."

And I really didn't care if I saw him again before I left.

And he still came over every day until we left. 

So we went on vacation, I hung out with him again when I came home. And in my mind I was still running. But he didn't give up on me.

There were two moments that shifted everything for me.

The first one was when I went to a New Year's eve party with the Captain. 
We drove there and he didn't open my door like he normally did. And after we were inside, he didn't try to hold my hand.
Which shouldn't have mattered, because we weren't dating. But for some reason, it mattered to me. It bothered me that he wasn't holding my hand.
So I reached for his and held it the rest of the night.

The second moment was a few days later.
It was January 2nd. It was a Friday night.
The Captain and I were up late talking again. 
We were talking about whether or not we should be a "We". We never came to any kind of real resolution. All I know is that something changed in my heart that night. I decided not to fight myself anymore. Whatever I was feeling was ok. If I liked him. If I loved him. That was ok. It wasn't going to ruin anything. It wasn't going to ruin me, and it wasn't going to ruin him.
It was OK.
And I let him kiss me again.
That kiss was nothing short of magical. 
it was really the first time I had been kissed where the kiss felt real. Where it felt like an expression of caring. 
And I honestly don't think that I had ever felt happier than I did in that moment. When I wasn't fighting myself or questioning whether it was ok to feel how I felt.

More Love Story:
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Monday, October 12, 2015

Monday Moments

This week was one of those weeks where time kind of dripped by. It seemed both fast and slow at the same time. 
And now it's already Monday again :)

On Wednesday (I think it was Wednesday) We went and looked at Gluten free bakeries for our wedding cake. The Captain has Celiac. This was actually one of the more fun parts of wedding planning, because who doesn't want an excuse to eat cupcakes?

Our Ponderize Scripture for the week :)

Friday was the One Year Anniversary of the Captain and I hanging out again. So a little more than a year ago, the whole course of my life changed. Both of us keep saying over and over again how if you'd told us a year ago that we would be getting married right now we would have called you crazy. And getting married to each other? No chance. But here we are! :)

Saturday was the day of Bridal Showers! I'm so grateful to everyone who came! We did a waffle bar in the morning with my family and then a soup luncheon in the afternoon with my Ward (old and new) friends :)

Even though it was my bridal shower, my older sister and I had to put princess crowns on each other. We're 13 months apart and we're getting married 13 days apart. She has always been my twin :) even if not technically. I don't think I'll soon forget that moment of putting the crowns on each other's heads. Or when her dress came this week and she tried it on and I put mine on. I thought that I would want my very own time to "be the bride" but it has been really special to share it with her. I wouldn't want to share it with anyone else :)

Well! That was my week! How was your week? What is life like in the non-wedding planning world? I hope you all have a fantastic day this week! Feel free to drop me a line in the comments! :)

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Sunday, October 11, 2015


It has now been a whole week since General Conference! I don't know how many of you have downloaded the new set of talks in The Gospel Library, but I couldn't believe how fast they got those up! Seriously, the Captain and I checked on Wednesday and they were already ready to download! 

Anyway, today I wanted to talk a little bit about Ponderizing :) I was really happy when they mentioned it in conference and challenged us to do it.
If you missed the talk, here it is.

Also, Ponderizing for those who don't know, is Pondering and Memorizing, kind of mashed together. I liked that he talked about how it was a higher place for your thoughts to go. This week has been kind of crazy, but much better I think since we started the challenge. 
We chose Doctrine and Covenants 6:36

Which I felt was a good one to start on (Good job Captain on choosing it), because it's nice and short. I have always wanted to be good at memorizing, and have tried versions of this by myself before and not done so well.

There's something about doing something together as a community. About knowing that there are thousands of other people out there doing the same thing, even if you don't know them or they aren't in your exact situation. 

Anyway, I'm really excited to start Ponderizing a new scripture each week. I felt like this really helped me to get out of mental ruts. To stop myself from going in circles over things that didn't matter. To ponder new ways that I can apply this scripture into my life.
I'm grateful for the scriptures, and how readily available they are to me. :)

I hope that you all have a fantastic Sunday! Also, just so you know, the 40 days and 40 nights General Conference Challenge Starts tomorrow! Its not too late to hop on board! :) 

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Thursday, October 8, 2015

Writing Journal #27

Just a little background on this one, My best friend and I went to go see the northern lights last year. They never came, but this was our experience.

We were waiting. Waiting for night to come, sunlight to leech away from the sky, away from the towns until the only light was starlight. Dripping through the holes of a heavenly curtain. 
We were waiting for light.
Waiting for a new experience. To strike an item from our bucket lists, leaving a crumpled paper and a memory of light unlike we'd ever seen.

We were left with the Milky way. And Cassiopeia, constellations we had no name for. 
We waited in the night, hundreds of eyes on the sky, hearts hoping for a miracle. 
It was quiet. Empty in the fields. But we were not alone.

We were waiting with the stars.

Everything else dropped away to stillness, anticipation, drinking in the night, looking to the North.

The sky shifting subtly, drastically, from a midnight blue to turquoise. 

I've never seen that sky before.
The sky shifted, and I shifted.

We drove home singing, laughing, heads tipped toward the sky. 
We had no shorter lists, but we still had a memory of light, 
unlike we'd ever seen.

Did you try and see the northern lights last year? What was your experience?
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Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Love Story Part 6: The First Kiss

After The Captain tried to kiss me things went back to normal for awhile. Sort of. Now I was wondering if I did like him. After all, he was my best friend. I could tell him anything. It was more normal for us to stay up until 3 AM talking than it was for us to run out of things to say. In fact, I can't ever remember that happening. There were times that we were quiet, but it never seemed to be because we didn't have more to say to each other. I can't tell you the number of times we tried to show each other a song and then we ended up talking through it.

So I considered, could I date The Captain? We'd known each other for so long. I was comfortable with him. And as much as I wanted to deny it, I wanted to kiss him.
I had a rule about kissing boys though. I would not kiss a boy that I would not date. If I kissed them, it meant that I was willing to date them, and only them. In fact, until a certain boy that was trying to date me before The Captain, I had only kissed my boyfriends. 

And so about a week after he tried to kiss me he told me that he liked me. We discussed it, I told him that I wasn't sure if I liked him or not (which was true. I have a notoriously bad habit of fighting myself on how I feel.).

The reason that we agreed that we could not date was mostly religious. He was my best friend, and I loved him as a person, but I did not think that I could date someone that wasn't strong in the church. He had decided to try a different lifestyle for a bit, one that didn't completely match the standards that I believed.  

My parents got divorced in large part because of a difference in lifestyles. A difference in beliefs. Though they were both raised LDS (my mom from an inactive mother and a catholic father and my dad was raised in a mostly consistently active home, although my Grandpa had some time trying out a different lifestyle of his own before coming back into full activity), my Dad decided to leave the church around the time that we moved when I was 9. And by the time I was 14 they were divorced.

I knew I couldn't date someone I couldn't marry. And because of The Captain's lifestyle and how he believed at the time. It terrified me. 

And amazingly The Captain wasn't offended when I talked to him about it. He completely understood. In fact, after we started hanging out, he later told me, he decided that he needed to find a girl like me, just one that wasn't so churchy. Someone that was on the same level as him that they could work together toward becoming who he wanted to be.
Because The Captain was coming back to church. 

If I had ever thought that he was doing it for me then I would never have dated him. But I knew that it was something that he wanted, that he was working on for himself. 

And so, in the middle of November, about a month and a few weeks after we'd started hanging out, I let him kiss me. 

And then as soon as I let him kiss me I started freaking out in my head. I couldn't date him! The same things that I was worried about before were the same things that were still a problem now! This was a mistake. A very large mistake. 

I didn't say anything about it, just yelled inside my head about what an idiot I was and what a jerk to let him kiss me when I knew that I couldn't date him. 

He drove me home that night and kissed me again on the doorstep (because I was still freaking out and didn't feel like I could turn away when I'd just let him kiss me a few minutes before). 

I don't think I even waited for him to text me that he made it home safe before I texted him and apologized for the huge mistake I had made. I told him that I was sorry, that I shouldn't have let him kiss me because I couldn't date him. 

And then I worried that I had just, in a moment of sheer stupidity, lost my best friend. 
And then he texted back. He was sorry too. It was ok. He understood. He couldn't date me either. 

And that is when I started running. 

More Love Story:

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Monday, October 5, 2015

Monday Moments

So I realized about the middle of last week that I never did post a 10 talks to re-read before general conference post. My bad guys. 
I just finished reading this book about happiness and it was REALLY good, I would recommend it, it's Called the Happiness Project  and it really makes me want to try my own in the coming year. Because why not? Don't we all want to be a little more happy? Also, I'm going to be trying to post on here more often. I kind of have always wanted to post at least 4-5 times a week since I started but I was afraid that people would get bored of me and annoyed with too many posts, but I think that I'll try it out for awhile. 
Conference this last weekend was amazing, I especially liked the challenge to Ponderize (Ponder and Memorize) a scripture a week. The Captain and I have already picked ours! What's yours? Or what are you working on in your life right now? (People do that right?)

Here are some moments  

Pretty sure that this was from the way home from my run last week. Which by the way, I went running again today and tried to use that couch to 10K app. I thought about starting a few weeks in, but I was like, "Nah, I'll just start from day one even though it will probably be too easy."
Cut to me cheating out on the last two One minute run sections and I am truly humbled.

These photos do not even do the drive justice. The Captain came and got me before sunrise on Saturday and we drove up to Provo River Falls. The colors didn't match last year, but the mist and the rain... breathtaking. It was a drive that I won't soon forget.

Finally tried out EvenStevens sandwiches (it's legit, they give food to the hungry with every sandwich that you buy!)
Honestly didn't love my undergrad burrito, but I did love the pickle that came with the Captain's sandwich! I may have been biased though, What I was really craving was a Del Taco breakfast burrito, so yeah...

Anyway, it was a good week, even if I didn't take many pictures! Love you all and thanks for reading! I hope that you all have a great week ahead of you!
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