anchored in light

A lifestyle blog about finding light in every avenue of life

Sunday, February 28, 2016

Blessed

You know how you're sitting in the middle of your life, just right there on the floor of it, with everything all puddled around you. The good things, the bad things, the past sprawled on one side and the future in all its glory and horror on the other. And it just kind of hits you that you've made it this far?

I have been having a lot of those moments recently. I keep getting caught in tidal pools of feeling so incredibly blessed, as well as pools of feeling like absolutely everything is falling apart. It seems like these two things shouldn't be able to exist side by side, but they do. 

If you all didn't know, my husband, the Captain, has been in the news a lot lately trying to get SB-73 passed for medical marijuana. And if you know me, you might be a little confused that I ended up with him. Because we are so different in so many ways. Because one of the reasons that we didn't have a typical mormon dating and married in 3 months kind of story is because the Captain was using marijuana to handle pain from breaking his back and neck a few years ago. And this is something that I had to keep secret from everyone. And it was something that meant unless he stopped, we couldn't get married in the temple. I wouldn't give that up, so I dated him knowing that we may have to wait years before we got married. And I saw all these people around me getting engaged. 

It was terribly frustrating for me. 

And now, here I am, married. It happened. In the temple. It was literally a miracle for us. 

Then the Captain got on board with this bill and I hesitantly gave my support.

Then BOOM. The church comes out with a statement against the bill. And BOOM the Captain is in the papers responding to the bill. And suddenly my world was falling apart. I wondered if we would be kicked out of the church. I wondered if the Captain would leave. And I poured all of that into my prayer journal.

And bam, the Lord answered. I had barely put down my pen when the Captain was holding me and answering all of my fears that I hadn't spoken out loud.

But the Captain was still without a job (he lost his job literally a week before we got married) and I worried that he wouldn't get one because of the press on this, or because he would be in too much pain to work. And I poured all of that into my prayer journal.

A few days later the Captain got a job. He's only had it a few days but he has a job.

There have been so many instances of this lately that it's pretty unbelievable to me. I have never been answered so quickly. I have never felt so loved and so taken care of. But there have been too many instances of the Lord looking out for me in the past year for me to ignore. From little things like making the Flight to Florida before we got engaged, to the Captain being able to function in pain because he couldn't use marijuana, to me getting more hours at work this year. So many times there have been miracles for me and I just feel so blessed, even on this crazy rollercoaster. 
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