anchored in light

A lifestyle blog about finding light in every avenue of life

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Some Days

Some days i get caught up in dreaming about all the things I want for my life. All the little dreams that I want to make realities. Who I want to be in a year, in 5 years, in 10 years, or who I want to be right now. 

Today is one of those days. I’m caught up in thinking about what it would be like if I could paint myself into the perfect picture of everything that I wish my life could be. Blogging, traveling, writing. I’d have that perfect kitchen, stocked with cute dishes and healthy food. We’d live by the beach in a beautiful house where every room was Pinterest-worthy (definitely no junk or clutter). We’d have a library and cute rooms for all the kids we don’t have yet. We’d have a room full of all the things you might need for an adventure. We’d hop on planes on a whim to other countries and there would be pictures of all the moments I hold close to my heart but never seem to capture on film. We’d see and taste and be and bring our littles along with us.
Of course, there would be no debt. We’d wear beautiful clothes and run along the beach together every morning before relaxing with crepes or croissants. We’d throw dinner parties with beautiful place settings.

We’d have beautiful friends all over the country that would have adventures with us and who we’d write real letters to. 

Everything would be wrapped up in neat little bows. 

Today is not that day. We still have to work. We have boxes of things we don’t use (mostly me). Our bed isn’t made and I definitely lounged around until 8 AM this morning instead of getting up at 6:30 like I’d planned to. Most of my hand lettering doesn’t turn out the way that I had imagined it and a lot of the time it seems like I’m shouting into the void of the internet with almost no one listening. That being said, you don’t know how much each page view means to me. I put so much of my heart and soul into this. I try to shape myself into the person that I want myself to be and I hope that it brings all of us a little closer to becoming just who we dream of being. 

Even with the clutter and the debt and the fact that we have to work for a living. Even with the pants that have holes in unseemly places that I’ve been wearing for almost a year now. Even with all of the hard times and the times when it seems like I may be the stupidest person in the world for believing that I can inch my way closer to those dreams.
Even then.

This is the most beautiful life. There are so many wonderful things that I never really believed would make it off of a page like this one that are in my life now. I love our tiny little apartment. I love our adventures to the mountains and trying out places to eat and eating at the same places we always eat at. I love that Brian lets me ramble on and on about random things. I love that I can do nothing with him. I love that I go on adventures with my mom. Have art days with my sister. Have twilight marathons with my other sister. I love sending out happy mail and taking polaroids (really instax pictures) and taping them into my journal. 

I love all of it. 

Oddly, dreaming of “better things” doesn’t take away from the beautiful things I already enjoy. It just gives me something to stretch toward. To hope for. 

I remember when I was dating Brian. We knew that we couldn’t get married yet because we were still waiting on his temple recommend. It was heartbreaking for me. We’d been talking marriage since we’d only been dating a month, and to watch friends of mine get engaged and married when they had been dating less time than we had tore me to shreds. I’m amazed that I didn’t drive Brian away with all of the complaining and crying I did about the fact that I wanted to be married. I wanted to be engaged. I made him promise me then that we’d be happy when we got married, just for the fact that we could be together. I made him promise that we’d be grateful for that time, even if we had hard times or if we had a hard time having babies or anything like that. I knew that I could easily waste my life away wishing for the next step, and I couldn’t help wasting away wishing that we were married, but I didn’t want that to continue. 

So we find the happy moments together, no matter what. Whether we have no jobs and no money or we have enough to travel. We love just being. Because he IS enough for me. No matter what else I dream of. 

What do you daydream of?
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