anchored in light

A lifestyle blog about finding light in every avenue of life

Monday, August 21, 2017

Monday Moments

Hey, everyone! I know its been a bit. I have no reasons, just lazy. So how are you all feeling about the end of summer? I have completely mixed feelings about it! I'm really excited for fall because I love fall weather and fall clothes and fall food... plus it always makes me feel really nostalgic. However, it's a little different this year since I'm pregnant. Part of me is really excited for fall, the other part of me is scared because I feel like it will go too fast and then suddenly it will be winter and time to have our baby! I'm excited for the baby but admittedly a little terrified of labor. Ya feel me? Also, I try not to think about all that I have to do in preparation for the baby. Most of the time I just feel like a normal person, not a pregnant person, minus the little symptoms here and there. 

Anyway, onto the moments :)



One of my goals has been to make more food at home. Partially because I like to cook and ever since I stopped asking Brian what he wanted for dinner (with the answer always being "I don't know") and just choosing things, I've enjoyed cooking dinner a whole lot more. 

The other part being we're poor. 

And the last part being that it's better for us to eat at home anyway :)

So I've been trying out new recipes and loving it. This recipe I found on Pinterest and I was very impressed! I was afraid that the sauce would never thicken since you start with a rue and I have always been bad at those, plus I was using gluten-free flour... but it just took a little bit and turned out great. Also, I was impressed with how well this reheated! I've been making a lot of pasta sauces and usually, they separate out pretty badly when reheated, not the case with this recipe!



A few weeks ago I went to Leatherby's with two of my best friends from high school. We haven't all been together since then! 10 years... oh man, when did we get so old. It was so nice to catch up and talk about our lives. Especially since one of them has had two babies since then and we could chat a little about pregnancy and such.



My mom made this sandwich. It was AMAZING. I told her that I love grilled cheeses but I really like it when there's ham on there and tomatoes and especially if the tomatoes are home-grown and the bread is good. She promptly produced this beauty. It tasted even better than it looks.



This is a tillamookie. It was so adorable that I had to take a picture!



So I have been craving Arby's for something like 2 months now. It's not a place that I can go with Brian because there is nothing gluten-free there and I wasn't sure if I could eat their sandwiches because I'm not supposed to have deli meat as a pregnant person (the list of things you're not supposed to eat was so much longer than what I thought!). But, I took myself out anyway! It was just what I needed. 



Brian has had Conference for work this week leaving me with lots of time to myself. So on Friday, I decided to make myself some chocolate milk and put hot fudge in it. It was a really good decision. 


Read:

For Darkness Shows the Stars By Diana Peterfreund
Carve the Mark By Veronica Roth
Midnight at the Electric By Jodi Lynn Anderson
Snow Like Ashes by Sara Raasch


Something to take away:

 Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.

Ralph Waldo Emerson


Thanks for reading! If you have any recipes that you'd like to share so I can try them I would love that! Are you looking forward to Fall? Or, hanging onto Summer?

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Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Am I a "Good Wife"?



This post has been one that I’ve been thinking about writing for months, because it’s something that I’ve struggled with since I got married over a year and a half ago. 

Before I got married, I had a good idea of the kind of wife that I wanted to be. I wanted to be pretty, smart, kind, a good cook, a good mother, able to juggle everything and make it look easy. Don’t we all wish that it were as easy as making a laundry list of everything that we would like to be and then suddenly become that?

After I got married, I quickly found out that I had a whole other list of things that I thought that I should be. Knowing that Brian struggles with Chronic Pain due to a back injury that happened several years back, I knew that it might be on me to take over some of his “traditional” roles. I mentally prepared myself for a life where I was possibly the breadwinner, while also taking the brunt of the responsibility and care of our children. Of course, this wasn’t ideal, but I had what I wanted from Brian. He was (and is) my best friend. Our relationship is the best that I have ever been in and he loves me like he hit the jackpot at the lottery. I could be everything else if I needed to.

However, while I thought I was mentally prepared to take on the role of “everything”, what I didn’t realize is that I had wired all of these tasks and responsibilities into my idea of what being a “good wife” would mean for me. It would be my job to make sure that we didn’t spend too much money. My job to keep the house clean. My job to cook and have a hot meal on the table every night. My job to do the laundry. My job to do the grocery shopping. My job to keep all of that up while still being me.

Luckily, marriage was a lot different than I expected. Brian was not only more capable of doing “his job”, but I quickly found out that he was better at doing “my job” too. Which left me with this conundrum, if I let him do things that were “my job” am I still a "good wife”?

A prime example of this is cleaning. My parents made me do chores as a child, just like most parents, but I have never put cleaning high on my list. I like things tidy but things like mopping, vacuuming, scrubbing the bathroom… those things tend to fall to the wayside. Brian has an entirely different idea of how often things should be cleaned. Whenever we go on vacation, or if it’s his birthday, or if it’s a holiday, or if people are coming over, the house needs to be cleaned. Not just tidy, but deep cleaned. For most of our marriage I’ve just let Brian clean. When we went on vacation I let him deep clean the house while I finished packing, or if I was finished, while I waited for him to finish cleaning. My reasoning was that it wasn’t something that bothered me. It wasn’t something that NEEDED to happen for me to be ok leaving. If he wanted it clean, then he was welcome to clean it, but I wasn’t going to make it my problem.

I successfully did this for quite awhile before I decided that perhaps I wasn’t going about this the right way. What actually happened is that we decided to go on a trip down to St. George with some friends. We were hoping that Brian would get off work early so that we could leave earlier to drive down before traffic hit. Either way though, we were planning to leave as soon as Brian was off work and ready to go. Therein lay the problem. I like to be on time. I wanted to leave as soon as we could, but that would leave little to no time for Brian to clean the apartment before we left, no matter when he got off work. So I decided that I would be nice and clean the apartment for him before we went. I put the laundry away. I vacuumed the entire apartment. I cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen. I mopped both floors. I did absolutely everything that I could think of to make sure that Brian wouldn’t feel the need to clean (or re-clean) anything before we left. He got home, he packed and we went on our way. 

However, while I’ve struggled our whole marriage to let that go off my list of things that I need to do to be a good wife, by doing this for him, I’d put it back on. We had the opportunity to go on another trip a few weeks later and my main reason for not wanting to go was not wanting to clean the whole apartment again. I didn’t want the stress of worrying about it. Thinking about adding that to my list of things to do made the trip not worth the effort. We didn’t end up going, and I was grateful, but we did end up feeding the missionaries the same night that we would have gone so I had to clean the apartment anyway AND make dinner. Doing those sorts of things are exactly what I had on my list of “good wife” traits, but I hated it. How could I be a “good wife” if I didn’t do those tasks, and when I did, I didn’t do them happily?

It’s still something that I’m working on. I have to remind myself often that my worth as a wife does not depend on whether or not I keep the house clean enough. It does not depend on whether I pack my husband’s lunch and have dinner on the table when he comes home. It is not in a tallied score of all the things that I check off as done for the day. 

It’s in how I love Brian. It’s in how I try to serve him. It’s in trying to do the little things that might make him happy or make his life a little easier, even if trying is all I can manage. It’s in putting myself first sometimes, so that I have something to give him. If I’ve learned anything, I’ve learned that when I take care of myself, I so much more capable of being the kind of wife and person that I want to be. I am so much happier to do the things that are on my list of “good wife” traits. It’s in letting go of the “good wife” list, because most of it is a lie anyway. Just as I didn’t marry Brian for his ability to provide or his cooking or cleaning skills, he didn’t marry me to do those things either. Those are the day to day things, but they are not what makes me a good wife or him a good husband. 

What have you learned to let go of? How did you learn to let go of it? Or, are you still struggling, like me?
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Monday, August 7, 2017

Monday Moments

Hey, everyone! How is your Monday so far? This last week has been a good one, and interesting. I know that at some point you're supposed to start "Nesting". I think I have the opposite of that right now. I want to get rid of everything! It's like, "None of this really matters. I should just throw it all away." Except my books. And my writing things. It's a real problem.



I'm still walking every morning. Well, almost every morning. I was running a few weeks ago a little bit, but the recovery time was crazy so I thought maybe it wasn't the best idea. Then we went to see my doctor on Thursday and she told us that walking really wouldn't do much... better than nothing, but I should be doing more. So I tried a prenatal workout, just once through instead of 3xs like I was supposed to, and my legs were SUPER sore for the next 3 days. No joke, apparently being pregnant means that it takes more than twice as long for my body to recover from workouts. I'm not going to stop though! I ran a teensy bit (probably less than 2 minutes in total) on my walk this morning and I plan to keep adding more, plus I'm going to try that workout some more. 




This was my birthday breakfast. I'll say it again. I could eat croissants every single day for breakfast. Why are they so amazing?





A few weeks ago I started doing a watercolor of whatever fruit/vegetable they tell me is the size of my baby that week. I actually started because my older sister said that she looked for a pregnancy journal where I would have to watercolor the fruit/vegetable, but she couldn't find one! They must exist, right? Anyway, it's actually really fun!




On Wednesday my best friend took me out to the cheesecake factory for my birthday! I felt so spoiled. We got appetizers and dessert on top of our meal. I can't remember the last time I did that. I won't lie, the burger wasn't as good as I was hoping, but it wasn't bad. I've yet to find a "fancy" restaurant with a good burger. I always have such high hopes... no luck! Not so far at least. This cheesecake though... it is the first cheesecake I've had from the cheesecake factory that I was actually impressed with. Key Lime. I highly recommend it!



A few days before my birthday I found out I'd won a giveaway to Bluish & Co. I got to spend 100$. I can't wait to show you guys the pieces I got!



This was our "For Real" meal Brian and I made yesterday. He made the sauce while I worked on the chicken. I loved spending that time together with him. I've kind of always dreamed of cooking together with Brian. It seems so romantic (not to mention the help is nice), and it was fun to cook together even in our tiny kitchen.

I will say it was a little too sweet for my taste. In the future, I'll probably stick to my Momma's recipe. Although, Brian really did like the cornstarch on the chicken!



Last night we ate our last creme brulee from my birthday. Seriously, guys, it's easy to make! Try it!


Random:

So, my grandmother had back surgery last week. Brian and I went to visit her at the rehab center yesterday. We got there just as they were starting Sacrament and when we got to her room we found her hobbling her way down to Sacrament. So we went with her and my Aunt and Uncle. As we were walking down we could hear them singing the opening hymn. Someone was playing the piano... badly. In fact. they quit before we made it there and the congregation was singing a capella. My aunt joked that my grandmother better get down there and save him. So when we got there she walked right in front of everyone in her hot pink mumu and forearm crutches, dropped her crutches next to the piano bench, made the kid scoot over and started playing right in the middle of the hymn! It was awesome. I don't think I'll ever forget it!


Reading: 

Matched Series By Allie Condie
The Two Princesses of Bamarre By Gail Carson Levine


Something to take away:


"...in the end you can't always choose what to keep. You can only choose how you let it go."

-Crossed, Ally Condie 


Thanks for reading! I hope you have a wonderful week!



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Wednesday, August 2, 2017

A Birthday Post






Normally for my birthday, I do a photo shoot. I really like them and it's kind of fun to see how I've changed over the past year. So I'll probably do a photo shoot soon, but it didn't quite happen this year. Scheduling... I think we all know how that goes. 

So instead I thought that I'd take you through my birthday day :) 

I had a hard a time figuring out what I wanted to do for my birthday. I always have a hard time figuring out what to do.  Especially since I knew that this year would be my last year without a baby. My last year that would be completely mine. 

A few days before my birthday I was dreaming about different things that I hoped for in my life. How I would live if I could live any way that I wanted. So, I decided that for my birthday I would live that life.



So I woke up, and read my scriptures. Then I went for a walk with Brian. I normally use my Charity Miles app, but this time I decided to leave my phone behind, so there are no pictures from the walk. It was just beautiful and nice to walk hand in hand with him.



I ate a croissant for breakfast and Brian made me a smoothie :) I thought about trying a smoothie bowl, but Brian wanted to make it for me, and I thought I wouldn't make it too complicated for him. It was the perfect breakfast. 




After he left for work I took a bath using my Lush bubble bar. I love baths. I love bubble baths. If I had my way, I would take baths once a week with flower petals, or bath bombs, or something like that.

Last year for my birthday I spent the morning making my birthday cake, and while it was a lot of work, I kind of really enjoyed it. It was the first time I'd needed to make my own birthday treat. I think that my new tradition will be making a birthday treat. So this time, I made creme brûlée. 




My mom came over and hung out with me until we could go to a late lunch with my little sister.

I was supposed to go to dinner with Brian, but instead, I was too full from lunch still. All that I wanted was a salad. So my sweet husband let me make a salad and stay home and made himself quinoa. 

We went and saw the new Spider-Man and then came home and ate the creme brûlée. 




I was spoiled rotten. My friends and family all made me feel so loved. I'm especially grateful to my husband who made my day so special. He made me feel like a princess. Also, I love that Brian put my presents underneath our Christmas tree. 

I hope everyone has the happiest day and that you feel as special as you are. Thank you for reading :)

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