anchored in light

A lifestyle blog about finding light in every avenue of life

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Gender Reveal Party + Some thoughts on Pregnancy

If you follow me on any form of social media then you probably already know that we are having a little girl. :) We are so excited. It's so nice to be able to talk about her and say "her". Knowing that she's a girl makes this all a little more real somehow. Quite honestly, every time I go to the doctor I worry that somethign has happened since the last appointment. I worry that something has happened to our little one. When I went in for my first appointment at 10 weeks I even took a pregnancy test that morning. I was so worried that I'd somehow miscarried and not realized it, that the tiredness was simply my brain trying to convince my body that I was still pregnant. Especially since my mother miscarried at least 4 times. So every time I go in and she's still in there, moving around, her little heart beating, seems amazing to me. 

Dress: Bluish & Co.

We were so excited to find out what our little Poppy was. We'd been hoping for a little girl. We prayed for a little girl before we even started trying to get pregnant, but of course, we were never sure. I felt so sure sometimes that it would be a little boy, mostly because I wanted a little girl. I knew that I would love our baby, boy or girl, no matter what. I was afraid to even write down that I wanted a girl or tell people because I didn't want my baby to hear about it years down the road and worry that I didn't want them because they didn't turn out to be a boy. 

I've been writing letters to the baby, because that's who I am. I write things down (you never would have guessed by the fact that I blog). I tried to convey in my letters that I was hoping for a girl, but either way I would love them.

We didn't have any names for a boy. When we first got pregnant we liked the name Charles, but then realized that I hated all the nick names for Charles. When I thought of her name, Everly Victoria, it felt right. It was like an aha moment. I loved it and I was afraid to tell Brian that I loved it, because it seemed so perfect and I didn't know what I would do if he hated it. Plus, I didn't even know if we were having a girl at that point. I was convinced that I couldn't be having a girl. After all, I never really had morning sickness. I'd heard and read that you're more sick with girls, and I mostly just felt tired. I felt kind of lousy, but never like I was going to throw up. It seemed impossible that it was a girl.

So when we went to our twenty week appointment (even though I was technically 19 weeks) and she popped up on the screen I almost couldn't breathe as I waited for them to tell us what she was. They showed us her head and her spine, pointed out her brain and her heart. Everything perfect (minus the fact that they couldn't see her stomach). Finally, they showed us. A girl. A "definite girl" as the sonogram specialist told us. I was so happy, but I still couldn't quite believe it. I looked at our sonogram pictures over and over again. Afraid that I dreamed it or something. I really thought that I was alone in wanting a girl so badly until Brian said to me, "you know, I don't know if I even care what the rest are." He wanted a girl, too. 

I loved our party. It was so fun to share the news with our family and friends. Even though I already knew the gender of the baby. Honestly, I felt I had to find out before because I was afraid that if it was a boy I'd be sad the rest of the party. In fact, I was sad at the party for the rest of the night after someone told me that it could still be a boy, that it could be a girl on all of the sonograms and still be a boy when it came out. I may have cried on the way home about it. I said a little prayer for peace and finally was able to be ok.

I'm so excited for our little girl. I'm excited to teach her new things and show her how to be kind and caring and that it's ok to want to be a princess. She'll certainly be our princess. I can't wait to cuddle her and kiss her little head, even when I'm scared of labor, I'm excited to meet her. 
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