anchored in light

A lifestyle blog about finding light in every avenue of life

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

The Bump

Hey, everyone! I was just sitting here today, scrolling through my photos, looking for something. When I came across this picture.



I took this picture the day I found out I was pregnant. I don't think I'd even told Brian I was pregnant yet. I had just read an article from a mother saying how she wished that she had taken a photo that day to show just how much she had changed.

It's strange looking at this picture now to think that I felt so fat some days. Most of the time I felt pretty good, but looking back I actually can't believe that I was that small! Pregnancy has been so strange for me, going back and forth between wanting to show and not wanting to show, worrying about gaining enough weight, worrying about gaining too much weight. Allowing the part of me that I would have counted as one of my greatest physical flaws to expand and grow to house our little Everly.


I took this photo on July 29 when I was about 14 weeks pregnant. I was convinced I was finally showing. My body was different to me, but it looking back now I actually laughed a little that I thought I was showing here. 


This picture was at about 18 weeks. I felt so huge. Which, even though I'm much bigger now, I don't feel now. This was a silhouette I had avoided all my life. It looked nothing like a cute little bump, it just looked like I'd gained weight.  


This last picture is about 21 weeks. Definitely showing, but in a better way (in my mind). It's so wonderful now. I've settled into the acceptance of my growing waistline. I still worry about gaining too much weight too fast, but I love feeling her kick. I love that she's big enough now that when she's kicking, I can watch my belly jump as she moves around. While I do feel so much bigger than I did before, I don't really feel fat anymore. I feel like I look like I'm supposed to. I credit that in no small part to buying maternity jeans. Wearing pants that actually fit me makes me feel less like I'm bursting out of the ones I've always worn. 

I must say, having a supportive husband has made a huge difference for me between feeling fat and feeling beautiful. Every step of the way he has told me how beautiful he thinks I am. In fact, I may hear it more these days than I used to. It's more than him just saying it though, it's that I know he means it. He still thinks I'm beautiful with my thicker waistline. It has made me feel beautiful, despite knowing I'm wider and heavier than I have ever been. 

Having him has made this whole experience feel beautiful. It has put my body into perspective for me. I'm just as happy, if not happier now than I was when I had that tiny waist. I'm so grateful for this body that has handled pregnancy so well. Especially the fact that it decided to skip morning sickness. I'm grateful for what it's doing and how it's keeping our baby alive.

We had a scare on Sunday and I thought that I was maybe going to have to deliver Everly. I suddenly felt robbed. People were only just starting to notice my little bump and I was going to lose it? I remember standing in the bathroom, looking down at my belly and thinking that I wasn't ready to go back yet. I wanted her to stay in there and keep growing. Which is something that I couldn't have imagined thinking a few months ago. 

I have no big words of wisdom. I'm just grateful for this experience. I'm grateful that even though I am much older than I thought I'd be when I was dreaming of becoming a mother, I'm grateful that things have worked out the way that they have. I can't wait to see what else motherhood teaches me. 

Thanks for reading! 



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