anchored in light

A lifestyle blog about finding light in every avenue of life

Friday, December 29, 2017

One Month Away



Today marks 1 month until my due date. It seems like it was years ago that I took that pregnancy test that came back positive. Certainly, this baby could never have been the size of a poppy seed.

Yet she was, and here we are, facing down a very real countdown. It's strange to think that I'm going to be a mother, that my life is going to change so completely, yet so it hers. We're going to share our firsts together and I'm beyond grateful to have Brian with me to help figure out parenthood together.

It's coming closer and closer, yet I don't think I'll really feel it until she's on my chest for the first time.

After I got engaged, I remember thinking that maybe the purpose of the engagement ring was to tie the experience back to reality. It seemed so far from being realistic that the only way I could convince myself that it really happened was to look at the ring on my finger. 

With pregnancy, you'd think that my growing belly and the little dresses and shoes would be enough to convince me it was really happening, but throughout pregnancy, the threat of miscarriage has hung over the reality of those other things.

Just this morning I was worrying that I hadn't felt her move in a bit. She hadn't seemed as active yesterday and every moment she didn't kick took me deeper into panic. I wondered if I should call the hospital and I prayed hard for peace and reassurance that Everly was ok. She still didn't kick, maybe a few flutters. It wasn't until maybe twenty minutes later she started moving around a lot and I felt ok again. Feeling her roll around and push out isn't always comfortable, but I say a lot of prayers of gratitude for that feeling. 

I'm so excited to meet her and see the intricacies of how Brian's features and mine play out in this little life. All babies must be miracles, it seems that each one faces incredible odds to even make it to birth.

Part of me is excited for labor and part terrified. I'm so glad that I won't have to do it alone. 

I love this little one. It has been a privilege to carry her, even if it had been harder physically than it has been. Counting down the days...
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