anchored in light

A lifestyle blog about finding light in every avenue of life

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Poems of Motherhood | March Edition

These pictures (and one video) were all taken the same day that each poem was written (except for the changing table picture). Neither the pictures or the poems are perfect, just an attempt to capture these moments that filled me up with love, that I didn't want to forget. I hope that they remind you of when your babies were small or of a beautiful future you're hoping for.


Last night I got up to feed you
you fell asleep quickly
then you needed a diaper change
so I got up again and changed you
diaper, pink pajamas, swaddle
you soaked through them all
back to bed once again
but you cried
I got up and nursed you
pulling up Instagram on my phone
I glanced down at you
You were watching me
big eyes wide in the dim light
so I put my phone away
and watched you
stroking your soft hair
your eyes gently closed
I put you back in bed
this time unsure I wanted to sleep
I could have watched you all night long

Last night you fell asleep nursing
cuddled against me
I finally gently rolled your lip back to unlatch

I watched you sleeping after that
every now and again
your lips would come together

still nursing in your dreams


My body was your cradle
My heartbeat your lullaby


I've been reaching for my phone more often lately
feeling each moment sliding by like water off my skin
through my fingers

I've made a mental list of things to capture
the way you smack your lips together when you're ready to eat
the little "o" you make with your lips and cross your eyes
just before you latch
how your little lips still work at nursing when you're asleep
the sound of your cry
how you stretch after I unswaddle you when you wake

it's all precious to me
I can never quite capture it on camera
it's a flat representation of something too alive and real to be caught

but that won't stop me from trying


I let you fall asleep in my arms
An indulgence for both of us
It’s sweeter than the chocolate I no longer eat for you
More filling than the cup of white hot chocolate I used to make with whole milk and cream and pour into teacups

Because you’ll only fit in my arms for so long

So my arms are your cradle 
The crook of my elbow your pillow 
Because everything will change 
Little by little
Day by day

But I want you always to remember this

You are cherished
My arms are home


I realized today that your bows are like little fabric crowns
uncomfortable at times
the line of it marked into your skin long after it's removed

when you get to be my age
a crown is something you wear in your heart
and sometimes
on your ring finger

just remember, little girl,
you never needed a crown
to prove you were a princess


It was my privilege to watch you smile as you fell asleep in the golden evening light.
Catching that smile through the bars of your crib pulled me right back to the day I saw your changing table in the same golden light. Back when my body was your cradle, my heartbeat your lullaby.
It sat empty and ready for you in the middle of our bedroom. That same changing table is one of your favorite places to be.
It's all filled up with memories of you now. Soaked into the yellow wood.

Thanks for reading! I hope that you enjoyed these poems!
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