anchored in light

A lifestyle blog about finding light in every avenue of life

Wednesday, December 4, 2019

Poems of Motherhood | August 2019



8/2/2019

For Everly

Watching you hurt
I wish
what so many mothers have wished
that I could take it for you
instead I hold you
murmur "I know" over again



8/4/2019

For Everly

Today you went to Nursery for the first time
for me it was the start of an era
your life without me
part of me is glad to see you learn and play on your own
the other sad to see this change

8/10/2019

For Everly

We made homemade ice cream on a whim
it was just the sort of thing I'd always imagined I would do
we did it like it was no big deal
which is just the sort of thing I imagined too


8/12/2019

For Everly

You try to pour water on me
as I sit beside your tub as you play
you think you're so clever
today you learned the word "sneaky"
so you said "keeky" as yo stood with a bottle full of tub water


8/14/2019

For Baby #2

You went with me to get a root canal
kicking and squirming away
reminding me
that 29 will be full of wonderful things


8/23/2019

For Everly

We had a lot of beautiful moments today
blowing dandelion seeds out of your hands
running hugs
dancing in the kitchen while making sweet and sour chicken



8/24/2019

For Everly

We swam until you were shivering in the august heat
you would have stayed
given the choice
but let me gather you in my arms
tuck you warm against me and dress you in Daddy's shirt

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed these poems 😊 It's really so fun for me to go back and look at the pictures I took at the time and what I wrote down. It makes me want to be even better at writing these poems, especially since I've been pretty bad at it the last few months 🙈
Pin ThisShare on TumblrShare on Google Plus

Wednesday, November 27, 2019

Monthly Moments | November 2019



Man, this year though. I think I can safely say that this has been the hardest year of my life. With things being so crazy lately, I've had a lot on my mind. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about what I can do with my life to support this little family of mine. Due to our financial circumstances and things that may impact them in the coming year (or really, just life), I've thought a lot about what career I could pursue. It has been hard for me to think fo anything that I would really want to do. I have always planned on being a stay at home mom, but that may just not be in the plans for me. It has been a hard dream to let go of. Currently, I'm thinking of possibly becoming a yoga instructor or a Lactation consultant, or maybe focusing in on my hand lettering and becoming an artist there. Any of those would require some work/certification, and I'm not really confident that any of them would be enough to support our family if it came down to it. I'm passionate about being a mom. I love to write, but I don't really want to make that my source of income (for a variety of reasons). If you have any tips on how you found your passion, I would love to hear about it!



This was at 34 weeks! I can hardly believe that as I write this we are 16 days away from our due date. I want this little man to come in December (December 1 would be ideal), but we'll see. Brian is betting on a November baby since I'm already dilated to a 3 and 70% effaced. I feel like I keep thinking of little things I want to be done or still need to get before the baby comes (things like making up a couple batches of lactation cookies to put in the freezer or getting new bottles). We'll see how many of those I get through before he gets here! Also, we still have no name!


Everly has decided that she is against clothes this month. So she's pretty much just running around in a diaper all day long. Unless we go for a walk or a "venture" (adventure). 



A big tender mercy this month has been that Everly has decided she doesn't totally hate her breathing treatments. We got a nebulizer for her at the end of October because she had a cold and was having a hard time breathing. Every treatment that we did on her during that cold she cried and fought. 

Then a few weeks later she started having trouble breathing again. This time she didn't seem to have a cold. She has a cough, but no other symptoms other than not breathing well. I decided we should use the nebulizer on her and dreaded it, but she took it like a champ. She fought just a little the first treatment and didn't seem bothered at all after that. 


We put up the Christmas Tree. 

Honestly, I am usually one of those "wait until after Thanksgiving" people. But, it wasn't my choice when to put up the tree and it has been so much fun to see Everly start to learn about Christmas. I have been trying to think of what traditions to start with her now that she's getting older. I want to make sure that it's Christ-centered, without taking away the magic of Santa or presents. This is something that I feel like Brian's family does very well. They are all so generous and while there never seems to be any lack of presents in their house, I get the feeling that you could take all the presents away and they would still be just as happy (kind of like the whos down in Whoville). I asked them how they were able to cultivate that kind of home and the gist of it was that they were focused on others and on giving. They tried to incorporate scriptures and Christmas stories leading up to the day, but also focused on what they were giving to each other, not what they were getting. So I'm going to try and do that with Everly and our other babies! Hopefully, they'll get all the beauty of Christmas without any of the greed (I feel like too often I'm greedy and thinking about what I want or what I'm getting). 

Books I've loved this month:

Harry Potter 5 (honestly I haven't loved it, but it's all that I've read 🙈)


Podcasts I have loved this month:



A couple things that have stuck with me from these podcasts. 
-It's ok to have a passion outside of parenting
-Master something by focusing on learning everything you can and diving deeply into that topic (either through schooling or your own) every 5 years. As a dabbler, this is something that really appeals to me. Also, it got me thinking about what I'd like to learn even before I started thinking about what I might want to do to support my family.
-Your highest and holiest calling is whatever you feel the Lord has called you to do right now.
-We should value motherhood, but not idealize it.
-Start on your goals now. Don't wait until the New Year!


Thankfully my pregnancy insomnia has mostly gone away. I'm more excited about the Christmas season than I have been in years thanks to my planning ahead and actually planning Christmas before the week before. Also, I'm thinking that whether or not this baby comes in December, I'll probably still put him in a stocking. He has been such a bright spot this year and his little kicks and twists have helped me focus on the little miracle that he is when other things seemed to be falling apart. Honestly, this year has taught me so much about the value of my family. I'm so grateful for them. It has also taught me about tender mercies and learning to be content with where I am. 

Thank you all for reading! I hope that you have a fantastic Thanksgiving!
Pin ThisShare on TumblrShare on Google Plus

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Micro Nesting



One of the hardest parts of being pregnant for me, both this time and last time, was the inability to nest. Some girls dream of their wedding day, I dreamt of my home life. I dreamt of being with and raising my children. I pictured what the house would look like. I thought of what we would do together. So when we got pregnant with Everly and it became very apparent that we weren't going to have the money or space for a nursery, it was really hard on me. It was especially hard to see those that I was close to, who were also pregnant, putting together their nurseries. Everly came home to our cluttered one-bedroom apartment and slept in a pack n play with a bassinet accessory until she was too big for that. Then we set up the crib (which was given to us, and I'm so grateful for it, but also I didn't get to pick it out) at the foot of our bed. 

When I got pregnant this time around, I was expecting to have a little more money than we did last time. And in some respects, we do, but this last year has had quite a few financial setbacks for us. I swore that I wouldn't be bringing a baby home to my parents' house, yet here we are. I again had to face the fact that I couldn't nest. That there would be no perfect nursery for this baby either. That there is a good chance that I'm never going to get the chance to put together a nursery for my babies (we're only planning on having 3 babies for sure, but maybe 4). It hit me that we are likely never going to be financially stable enough while we're in these baby-having years to buy a house, or to decorate a nursery. 

I didn't know how much I wanted those things until I realized that they probably weren't going to happen. 

While Pinterest and Instagram often make me feel like everyone has those kinds of opportunities, I realize that isn't true. Even people who are in a better place than me probably have to make choices about what they can and can't do with their nursery for financial or spacial reasons. 

So for this baby, I started planning early. I looked at what things I really wanted for the new baby. Things that could be done without but that would make me feel a little bit more like I actually got to have this baby the way that I wanted to. I talked with Brian about it and he agreed that I could use some of our savings to get a few of these things. It has still been really hard to know that I can't nest the way that I want to, but it has helped me to feel more excited for this baby. I know that the baby won't know the difference. I always knew that the baby wouldn't care if they slept in a Moses basket or a box. I would know. I would care. 


Bag: Greyfox & Company Moses Basket: Design Dua

So here are my tips for Micro-nesting:


1. Plan as far in advance as you can for what you feel would help you feel like you've nested.

For me, that meant that I chose 4 things that I really wanted for this baby. I totaled up how much they would cost and talked to Brian about whether or not he thought that was a reasonable amount to spend on them.


2. Once you've picked your things, start putting aside money every check.

I've been buying things for the baby (not just those 4 things), every check since August. We've had to skip a few checks when things were really tight and I sometimes just put the money into savings because...


3. Look for sales on those things that you've picked.

Knowing that I was going to be having a baby around Black Friday was really helpful for me. I looked at the things I wanted and didn't buy anything that I thought would have a better deal during black Friday. The things I did buy (my Moses Bassinet and Grayfox diaper bag), I bought knowing that it was very close to or as cheap as it would be during Black Friday. While I planned enough money to buy the things on my list at full price, it meant that I could actually get a few things I was planning to do without. For example, I bought my Moses basket in a bundle that included bedding and a rocking stand that I was planning to just do without but could afford because they were on sale. The same with my diaper bag, it was still cheaper than I would have gotten at full price, even with the added in changing mat (which was actually another of my 4 things). 

With Everly, the one thing that I bought was a Fawn Design diaper bag. That was my micro-nesting. I bought it at a warehouse sale that I stood in line for over an hour for. It helped me to feel like I was nesting. You do what makes you feel like you are nesting.


4. Prioritize your list.

While it would be all grand and dandy for sales to work out and for you to be able to get everything on your list... sometimes life happens. Financial setbacks happen. Even when you plan ahead and set aside money, it doesn't always work out. Know what is most important to you and prioritize that. Maybe you can only get one thing off your list. Maybe things work out better than you expected and you can get more than you had planned on. Either way, I think it's important to know what is most important to you. 


5. Wait until after your shower (if you can).

Sometimes deals are going to come up before your baby shower, you need to decide whether to wait or not. All the things on my list I knew no one would buy for me (because they were expensive and again, not really necessities), plus I knew that most of them would go on sale after my shower. 



Being poor while you're pregnant is hard. It's hard to let go of some of those dreams that you had for having a new baby. I still feel sad sometimes when I think about the nursery I would have put together for each of the babies I've been pregnant with, but it has helped to micro-nest and be content with what I do have. I'm very grateful that this time around I was able to get a few of the things I couldn't with Everly (or didn't know that I really would have wanted), even if it is less than what I would have chosen for this baby.

How would you micro-nest? Or, what was most important to you when you were having a new baby?


Pin ThisShare on TumblrShare on Google Plus

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Stollen Recipes | Hot Chocolate




Hot Chocolate
Serves 1

Ingredients:

Your Favorite Hot Chocolate mix (works just as well with Chocolate as White chocolate mixes)
Hot water
Whipping Cream or Whole Milk

1. Heat your water. I typically do this in a teapot, but mostly that just makes me feel fancy.
2. Pour hot water into your mug or teacup of choice, filling about half full if using whole milk for this recipe, or 3/4 full if you're using whipping cream.
3.  Stir in as much drink mix as you would normally use for a full cup. For me, that's generally 2-3 heaping spoonfuls
4. Fill the rest of the way with whole milk or whipping cream.


This is one of my favorite drinks to make. I used to make it all the time with white hot chocolate when I was pregnant with Everly. It's perfect because it's rich enough to feel like a treat but not so heavy as if you were to make the whole thing with milk or cream. Also, the cold milk or cream tends to bring the drink down to just the right drinking temperature immediately. It's a super easy recipe to make and you can probably make it with what you have on hand! 

Let me know if you try it with alternative kinds of milk and how it goes! I would love to hear :) 
Pin ThisShare on TumblrShare on Google Plus

Wednesday, November 6, 2019

Poems of Motherhood | June-July 2019


June 20, 2019
for Everly

the honeysuckle that trails into your window well
is in bloom
like your love of the flowers is willing them down to you
so every morning
before I pick you up
I pull back your curtains
open up the window
before I can even pick you up
your room is flooded with the scent of them
pale yellow and white flowers

July 15, 2019
for Everly

I spun you
you giggled
and signed "more"
so we danced and spun again

July 16, 2019
for Everly

For now, I am your perfect seat
you back up
let yourself plop into my crossed legs
tuck your hands under your tiny thighs




July 17, 2019
for #2

I've named you already
next week we'll find out if we need a new name

July 18, 2019
for #2

You were kicking today
I can't help wonder
who will you be?
what will you learn from your sister?



July 20, 2019
for Everly

We went out on the deck
I placed a tiny homemade popsicle in your hand
the three (and a half) of us
with pineapple peach popsicles on a Summer day

July 22, 2019
for Everly

I watched you wake up today
watched you play with your bear
eyes closed
stretch your feet between the bars of your crib
until finally you saw me

July 23, 2019
for #2

We saw you today
your little feet
tiny hands
we found out you'll be a brother
not a sister like we thought
we are thrilled
little prince

July 27, 2019
for Everly

The way you cling so tightly to my neck
your body straight against me
protesting the diaper change because this one will hurt
yet, even after
you cling to me again for comfort

July 29, 2019
for Everly

Today I got kicked off the family iCloud storage plan because I take too many pictures of you
worth it.

July 30, 2019
for Everly

The beauty of holding you
alone in the dim blush light
you relaxed against me
a safe place
I want to always be that for you



July 31, 2019
for Everly 

A year and a half with you
what a wonderful ride

Thanks for reading! I am so excited to have two little ones to write poetry about. Life is really a beautiful ride.


Pin ThisShare on TumblrShare on Google Plus

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Monthly Moments | October 2019


Somehow October flew by even though I feel like it was jam-packed with things. October was another hard month, but maybe less hard because it didn't feel like it lasted as long. I honestly hate feeling like I've had so many hard months in a row, not so much because I don't like them (which I don't) but because I feel like I'm a generally optimistic and happy person by nature. I feel like I haven't had a harder year than this one since my college boyfriend broke up with me. 

There were some really good moments this month that helped though. 


We've been trying to introduce blankets to Everly so that you know, eventually, one day, she'll sleep in a bed with blankets. So far she only likes them when she isn't in her bed and even then... not really.


This is how I make anything I want to cook while Everly is awake. I've been trying to do things like this more so that she can learn to cook, instead of just doing it when she's sleeping (because it's so much easier).




Brian and I created this tradition of going up to Provo River Falls around General Conference when we were dating. I'd gone up a few weeks before with my best friend and wanted to show him how beautiful the leaves were. It's a tradition that has stuck and I love it. Mostly because it's our tradition. Something that we figured out on our own and has become part of us. If we ever move away I'm not sure what we'll do to replace it, but I'm glad that we get to do it now and that we get to take Everly with us.


We had a baby shower for our little boy! I was really worried before people arrived that no one was going to come. Partly because that's just how I always feel before a party that I'm throwing (not that I threw myself this one), and partly because only 12 gifts on my registry were reserved or bought before the shower... I personally knew I had bought 10 of them stocking up for the baby through the previous months.

Luckily people came and we got some clothes for our new little guy! (Who is still nameless.)


This was just too sweet not to include. Brian runs a lot. Well, he runs far I should say. He had knee surgery over the summer so he's been working back into his normal running routines (usually a minimum of 6 miles, twice a week). So last Saturday when he got back from his run he was stretching and Everly decided that she needed to stretch with him. 


Everly's first trunk or treat experience and honestly one of the most awkward parent moments of my life. Our ward threw a trunk or treat, starting at 5. They were following the trunk or treat up with a dinner at 6. I didn't want to spend a whole hour trunk or treating (I wasn't even sure how I would do that) so I figured we'd show up a half an hour late when things were in full swing.

So we did. We got there about 5:30 and all the kids were over at the pavilion. There were a few people hanging around by their trunks but not very many (seriously like 2 cars had people by them). I figured that we had come after everyone was basically finished, which made sense because we were starting a full half-hour after everyone else. 

So we went around to the cars. Chatted with the people that we knew by their cars. We helped Everly pick out a treat at each unattended trunk and put it in her bucket. We even spent like 5 minutes chatting up some strangers by their trunk but they never offered us any candy so we awkwardly moved on. Finally, we finished going around to all the cars. I seriously felt so awkward by the end. Then they announce over the loudspeaker that they're going to start the trunk or treat!

At 5:40-ish.

I felt so stupid and awkward and I'm still a little mad that the few people who were by their cars didn't say a word to us about the fact that they hadn't even started the trunk or treat yet. 

I still feel awkward just thinking about it.



So yeah, that was my October! I'm mostly just looking forward to having this baby and starting a brand new year. 

Books I loved this month:

Harry Potter (1-4)

Podcasts I've loved this month:



I have been way behind on my podcast episodes which means I've been listening to a lot trying to catch up and maybe not getting as much out of them as I usually do. 


I've had a really hard time with insomnia lately. I'm not sure if it's because I'm pregnant or if it's because I have had a lot on my mind lately. If you have any tips for me I'd love to hear them! My latest attempt at not having insomnia is to take a half dose of melatonin if I've already tried going to bed and can't and then trying to go to sleep again in a half an hour. It worked once. Failed miserably the second time. Although that may have been because of my restless legs.

Anyway, thanks for reading! Hope you had a fantastic October and have a great November!





Pin ThisShare on TumblrShare on Google Plus

Wednesday, October 23, 2019

An Open Letter to Our Baby Boy




I intended to write a lot more of these, but it's true, it's harder the second time around. Regardless, I am still so excited to add another member to our family. A little part of me worries that there is no way that I could love this baby as much as Everly (I think she's pretty fantastic 😉), but the other part of me knows that there is no way that I couldn't love this baby with everything that I am. 

As we get closer to labor I'm starting to realize how many fears that I have attached to labor. With Everly, I had no idea what I was getting into, and pretty much just figured I'd deal with things as they came. Which I did. Now that I know a little bit more about the labor experience, I worry about the labor being long (because Everly's was). I worry that because second babies tend to come more quickly that I won't have time for an epidural and even though I planned on going through some kind of natural labor program just in case... I definitely haven't done that. I worry that this baby will end up in the NICU (because Everly did). I feel like I have no real concept of what a normal hospital stay after birth is like because Everly was never in my room. I worry about how Everly will be taken care of, especially if I need Brian to stay with me at the hospital because last time I couldn't get in and out of bed on my own.

I'm trying really hard not to expect for the worst this time around, but also plan enough for it that if it happens I'm not crushed and things fall into disarray. 

Having babies is a wild ride. 

We did end up having a baby shower for this little one and I'm so grateful to the people that showed up and supported us. I was genuinely touched. 

Now I'm just trying to plan Christmas so that it's all taken care of before this little guy comes. 

Thank you so much for reading and for all your support! Each page view really does mean something to me 😊

Pin ThisShare on TumblrShare on Google Plus

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Stollen Recipes | Baked Apples




Baked Apples
Credit to Jill Vandertoolen for the recipe

Ingredients:

6-8 Golden delicious apples (I have used all kinds of apples and they have all worked)
1 Cup brown sugar
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 stick butter
Walnuts or pecans, and raisins
Half and half (for serving)

1. Preheat oven to 400℉ 
2. Spray a 9x13 pan. 
3. Peel and core apples. Place in the pan and fill the centers with raisins and nuts.
4. Melt butter and mix with cinnamon and brown sugar. Pour over apples (I spoon it over them).
5. Bake, covered, for 40-45 minutes.

Serve warm with half and half 😊



This is a Stoll family tradition for General Conference. I had never had this before I started dating Brian and I decided to make this for him so that he would feel like he was at home even though we were thousands of miles from his family. Honestly, I love making these now. I love how cozy they make me feel and I love making something that I know my husband loves. We make them for breakfast but they would make a great dessert. Just remember to get up early if you want to make these for breakfast unless those you love are late sleepers 😉

Thanks for reading! I would love to hear if you have any breakfast traditions or any Conference traditions!


Pin ThisShare on TumblrShare on Google Plus

Wednesday, October 9, 2019

Cloth Diapering | One Month In


Before we jump into cloth diapering, I wanted to share my definition of "wholesome living". When I think of wholesome living, I think of living intentionally. I think of eco-friendly and non-toxic. I think of real butter and real cream and whole milk. I think of being content with what I have and using things until the end of their life, rather than when I get tired of them or itching for something new. Wholesome living to me is about being authentic and real and taking the extra time to be present or make a homemade meal. These posts will be about things I've tried to my life more in line with that vision of being wholesome. 

We are officially one month into cloth diapering so I wanted to share our experience. 

I thought I would start off with why we decided to start cloth diapering. Honestly, if you don't have a good "why" you are doing cloth diapering, then it probably isn't going to work for you. I don't care what I've read, or heard people say, having done disposables for over a year and a half, disposables are definitely more convenient. 


For me, the "why" came down to two things:

1. Cost
2. Better for the ecosystem.


Babies go through so many diapers and the thought that my babies' diapers will still be in the landfill after I'm dead after Everly is dead, and after her children have also lived long and healthy lives... it seemed a little too much for me. Since having Everly I have thought a lot about the impact that I am having on her and the world around us. I want to leave the world better for her and so I decided to try cloth diapering.

Like anything that I've tried to be more sustainable and eco-friendly, it has to be better for the environment, but it also has to work. I'm not willing, at this point, to do anything that is wildly inconvenient for me or is less effective. Well, less effective to a point. 

I did a lot of research into cloth diapering before we took the plunge and honestly I wasn't planning on cloth diapering Everly at all. I figured we would start fresh with this new baby, but as my "stash" (of cloth diapers) grew it seemed silly not to try it out now. That way we would have a feel for it before we tried it out when things were crazier with two kids and then we could start saving on diapering Everly now. 

If you're considering cloth diapering I definitely recommend talking to someone who has cloth diapered, check out the websites of a few different brands, and join the Fluff Love & CD Science Facebook group


Here were my main concerns before we started.

  • Cost to build a stash
  • Not knowing how much I would need
  • My husband maybe not being on board with trying it
  • LEAKS
  • Dealing with Poopy diapers
  • Washing them (how would I know if they were clean, what kind of detergent would I need, how long would it take me to wash and fold diapers...)

Before we get into the nitty-gritty of those concerns I want to first say what I love about cloth diapering so far.

1. I feel like I'm living more in line with my principles about doing what is good for the world instead of what is just easiest for me.
2. Everly has very sensitive skin and got a lot of diaper rashes before we switched. It wasn't uncommon for us to be putting Desitin max strength on her every few days for a diaper change or two because she was red or had a rash. We haven't had any issues with rashes so far. I have put cloth safe diaper cream on her twice when she was slightly red but other than that... nothing.
3. Cheaper. Yes, we've spent a lot building our stash, but I'm so excited to not have giant boxes of Costco diapers every month or so. We're in size 4 diapers now, so our stash (detailed below), cost us about 6 months worth of diapers, but our diapers will last us until she's out of diapers and hopefully through all but the newborn stage of our next baby. We'll even say 7-8 months worth of diapers if you factor in detergent and washing. Still SO much cheaper. 
4. They're way cuter than disposables. I love the diapers we've gotten so far and it makes me feel way better about letting her run around without pants on.


Here are the realities of each of my concerns for our family so far.


Cost to build a stash.

This kind of blends into knowing how much I would need. Once I decided what kind of diapers I wanted (we went with Pocket diapers, which are basically adjustable sized diapers that have a pocket you place an absorbent insert into) and found a brand that I liked, their website had recommendations on how many diapers I would need as a minimum to start. They recommended at least 14-24 cloth diapers. I started when we had 14 and continued to use disposables for nighttimes and nap times. Our diapers were from Nora's Nursery. We continued to build our stash to what I considered the bare minimum adding in 4 Grovia O.N.E diapers for overnight and an extra set of 10 inserts from Nora's nursery. All that comes to about $240. We would just buy a pack of diapers or a couple of the overnights per paycheck so it took us a few months to build to that point. 

Husband maybe not on board.

Brian is typically more eco-conscious than I am, so I was surprised when the first time I asked him about cloth diapering he told me he felt that it was more of a hassle than it was worth. 
I'd been considering cloth diapering since Everly was a few months old and we'd even considered biodegradable diapers (which are much more expensive than regular disposables). 
I continued thinking about it and did more research. I listened to a podcast on cloth diapering. I joined the facebook group. The more I learned the more I wanted to try it out. I was really worried about Brian not being willing to. In the end, his main concern was leaking (which is totally valid). We'd had leaks with disposables at times (mainly blowouts or overnight). I told him about everything that I learned and had him come with me to my cousin to talk about cloth diapering (she cloth diapered her twins).
In the end, he was willing to try it. We knew that if we decided it wasn't for us we could always sell our diapers and get some of our money back.

LEAKS.

I'm not going to lie. Leaks happen with cloth diapers. I wouldn't necessarily blame this on the diapers though. When we started, I didn't have any extra inserts, which meant I couldn't double up. With cloth diapers, you need to change them about every 2 hours (which apparently you're supposed to do with disposables, but I never knew that) to avoid leaks. We had leaks mainly when I pushed it past the 2 hours, and occasionally when Everly had just had a lot to drink. For example, since we got the extra liners I can double line most of the time, but I still don't have enough to double line ALL the time. So when we changed Everly for the last time before her bedtime bath yesterday, I didn't use two inserts. I knew that it would be just over 2 hours before we were throwing her in the tub, but she'd had a lot to drink and she soaked through her insert... and her pants. It hasn't really bothered me much to deal with leaks, other than I feel like I have to be more aware of just how long it has been since I last changed her. 
Overnights have actually been amazing with the Grovia O.N.E. diapers. We have had a few times where she leaked through, but after being vigilant all day to change every two hours (she can actually go 3-4 hours if I double line, which I do if I know that I'm not going to be able to change her soon), it's so wonderful to put her down for 12+ hours and know that she's probably NOT going to leak through her diaper. If they weren't so expensive (and didn't give her the biggest fluff butt I have ever seen 😂), I would probably use them all the time instead of pocket diapers. 

Dealing with poopy diapers.

I don't know anyone that likes dealing with poop. I had been emptying Everly's poopy diapers into the toilet anyway when we were using disposables (which it says to do right on the box) so cloth diapering didn't seem like it would add that much to it. Still... I was a little hesitant. I ordered Grovia's bio liners which lay inside the diaper between the diaper and that baby. They aren't very expensive and work pretty well. That said I don't usually use them anymore anyway. I learned that while you can flush them, you probably shouldn't (just like you shouldn't flush anything that isn't toilet paper or human waste. Yes, even your "flushable" adult wipes.), so it just seemed easier to not use them at all. Most of the time I can just dump the diaper and be done with it anyway, and for the diapers that require a little... scraping, I use a diaper cream applicator (basically a small silicone scraper) and wipe it off with a wipe.

Washing.

Once you have your routine down, washing is actually pretty easy. I pull out the inserts when I change Everly so when it's time to wash (I wash every other day or when I'm down to 4 clean pocket diapers), I just dump them into the washer. The hardest part was picking a detergent. When you start looking into cloth diapering you learn that there are all sorts of detergents that you can use, but there are all sorts you should not use. Mainly because a lot of detergents contain things that will stick to your diapers and over time either damage the fabric or build-up and keep them from absorbing like they should. 
We went with All Free and Clear Powder detergent (the liquid is not Cloth diaper safe) because it was the cheapest and we were already using the liquid kind so it was a good place to start. I haven't had any issues with it so far. 
I hang dry the "shells" or the outside parts of the diaper and dry the inserts for an hour in the dryer. They are usually still wet when I pull them out so I hang those after as well. If I'm short on time everything that I have is safe for the dryer. The shells are pretty dry after one cycle in the dryer, but the inserts would definitely need longer. 

Cloth diapering has been different, but I'm so glad that we decided to give it a try. I fully recognize that cloth diapering isn't for everyone and I have no qualms about using disposables from time to time. It just makes me feel better knowing that every time I cloth diaper, it's one less diaper in the landfill. I plan on doing a series on sustainable switches that I try, and I'm sure that not all of them will stick, but the ones that do mean that it's a little better for me and my family and the planet. I love the quote about how it's not about a couple people doing zero waste perfectly, it's about all of us doing it imperfectly. Any step we take to be more sustainable, more toxin-free, and more wholesome is a good one, but I'm definitely never going to be perfect and that's ok. 

I hope this was a helpful look into cloth diapering! If you have any questions about it, please drop them below or send me a message! I'd love to answer them :)
Pin ThisShare on TumblrShare on Google Plus

Wednesday, October 2, 2019

Poems of Motherhood | May 2019





May 1, 2019

Your "sick" cry always gets me
I hear it
I know
I'm about to watch you be miserable
I always hope it will pass
that I can be your safe place while it rages




May 3, 2019

So many quirks
swinging your arms
to assert dominance over your tiny kingdom
your growls
the way you hold yourself in a seated position
when you don't want to be put down



Some months I feel like I have poetry pouring out of me. I can watch the moments happening and hear the words of the poem I will write about it later in my head. Some months I'm just living my life and I don't feel it like that. In the next few months, I had almost no poetry written about motherhood. It makes me feel a little sad because I know that there must have been so many moments that I would want to remember. Moments that I didn't capture. I tell myself that it is ok. That I still journaled. That I still was present in those moments, but it makes me want to make sure that I don't let more months slip by.

Thank you for reading! I hope that you all read these and relate or that they inspire you to keep little moments that you love written in ink so that you can remember them. 



Pin ThisShare on TumblrShare on Google Plus