anchored in light

A lifestyle blog about finding light in every avenue of life

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Micro Nesting

One of the hardest parts of being pregnant for me, both this time and last time, was the inability to nest. Some girls dream of their wedding day, I dreamt of my home life. I dreamt of being with and raising my children. I pictured what the house would look like. I thought of what we would do together. So when we got pregnant with Everly and it became very apparent that we weren't going to have the money or space for a nursery, it was really hard on me. It was especially hard to see those that I was close to, who were also pregnant, putting together their nurseries. Everly came home to our cluttered one-bedroom apartment and slept in a pack n play with a bassinet accessory until she was too big for that. Then we set up the crib (which was given to us, and I'm so grateful for it, but also I didn't get to pick it out) at the foot of our bed. 

When I got pregnant this time around, I was expecting to have a little more money than we did last time. And in some respects, we do, but this last year has had quite a few financial setbacks for us. I swore that I wouldn't be bringing a baby home to my parents' house, yet here we are. I again had to face the fact that I couldn't nest. That there would be no perfect nursery for this baby either. That there is a good chance that I'm never going to get the chance to put together a nursery for my babies (we're only planning on having 3 babies for sure, but maybe 4). It hit me that we are likely never going to be financially stable enough while we're in these baby-having years to buy a house, or to decorate a nursery. 

I didn't know how much I wanted those things until I realized that they probably weren't going to happen. 

While Pinterest and Instagram often make me feel like everyone has those kinds of opportunities, I realize that isn't true. Even people who are in a better place than me probably have to make choices about what they can and can't do with their nursery for financial or spacial reasons. 

So for this baby, I started planning early. I looked at what things I really wanted for the new baby. Things that could be done without but that would make me feel a little bit more like I actually got to have this baby the way that I wanted to. I talked with Brian about it and he agreed that I could use some of our savings to get a few of these things. It has still been really hard to know that I can't nest the way that I want to, but it has helped me to feel more excited for this baby. I know that the baby won't know the difference. I always knew that the baby wouldn't care if they slept in a Moses basket or a box. I would know. I would care. 

Bag: Greyfox & Company Moses Basket: Design Dua

So here are my tips for Micro-nesting:

1. Plan as far in advance as you can for what you feel would help you feel like you've nested.

For me, that meant that I chose 4 things that I really wanted for this baby. I totaled up how much they would cost and talked to Brian about whether or not he thought that was a reasonable amount to spend on them.

2. Once you've picked your things, start putting aside money every check.

I've been buying things for the baby (not just those 4 things), every check since August. We've had to skip a few checks when things were really tight and I sometimes just put the money into savings because...

3. Look for sales on those things that you've picked.

Knowing that I was going to be having a baby around Black Friday was really helpful for me. I looked at the things I wanted and didn't buy anything that I thought would have a better deal during black Friday. The things I did buy (my Moses Bassinet and Grayfox diaper bag), I bought knowing that it was very close to or as cheap as it would be during Black Friday. While I planned enough money to buy the things on my list at full price, it meant that I could actually get a few things I was planning to do without. For example, I bought my Moses basket in a bundle that included bedding and a rocking stand that I was planning to just do without but could afford because they were on sale. The same with my diaper bag, it was still cheaper than I would have gotten at full price, even with the added in changing mat (which was actually another of my 4 things). 

With Everly, the one thing that I bought was a Fawn Design diaper bag. That was my micro-nesting. I bought it at a warehouse sale that I stood in line for over an hour for. It helped me to feel like I was nesting. You do what makes you feel like you are nesting.

4. Prioritize your list.

While it would be all grand and dandy for sales to work out and for you to be able to get everything on your list... sometimes life happens. Financial setbacks happen. Even when you plan ahead and set aside money, it doesn't always work out. Know what is most important to you and prioritize that. Maybe you can only get one thing off your list. Maybe things work out better than you expected and you can get more than you had planned on. Either way, I think it's important to know what is most important to you. 

5. Wait until after your shower (if you can).

Sometimes deals are going to come up before your baby shower, you need to decide whether to wait or not. All the things on my list I knew no one would buy for me (because they were expensive and again, not really necessities), plus I knew that most of them would go on sale after my shower. 

Being poor while you're pregnant is hard. It's hard to let go of some of those dreams that you had for having a new baby. I still feel sad sometimes when I think about the nursery I would have put together for each of the babies I've been pregnant with, but it has helped to micro-nest and be content with what I do have. I'm very grateful that this time around I was able to get a few of the things I couldn't with Everly (or didn't know that I really would have wanted), even if it is less than what I would have chosen for this baby.

How would you micro-nest? Or, what was most important to you when you were having a new baby?

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