anchored in light

A lifestyle blog about finding light in every avenue of life

Wednesday, October 7, 2020

Poems of Motherhood | August 2020


For Greyson

So begins the dance

To keep supply

It was the same with your sister

And I fought

To nurse her for 1 year

I thought it made me a better Mama

I will fight

For you


In whatever way

Makes me

A better mama


For Everly 

You tucked in all your babies

A unicorn

Your bear

The zebra

Laid white cloth wipes as blankets over each one

Then fell asleep

On the Lovesac


When I came in

Saw my sweet baby sleeping 

Not in her bed

So her babies could have it

I wondered if you learned that from me

Wondered if I was a good or a bad thing if you did

Then I marveled at you

Sweet thing

My little one

Growing so fast

But you still look like my baby

When you sleep


For Greyson 

You are always trying to get into my lap

Not crawling yet

But leaning

Pulling yourself in with your arms

Until I pick you up

Place you there


You try to crawl out. 


For Everly

You play with your brother now

Ask for him when he’s sleeping

It was something that I hoped for

When you were small and he was growing inside me

This bond

That will pull you through times I can’t 

So I watch you get his ball for him

Watch him stare at you like you raised the sun yourself

I know that this is the beginning. 


For Everly 

You picked a dandelion 

Gone to seed

A globe of white fluff

You told me you picked “the sun”

And carried it around

“Holding sun”

You said

I love the way you

“Hold the sun”


“Touch clouds”

If I could bottle anything for you

It might be that feeling

That you could reach up and touch clouds

Or casually pick the sun out of the lawn because you thought it was beautiful


For Everly 

I’ve started telling you stories

Just little bits

Scattered moments from my life

As we lay in your bed before I kiss you goodnight 

After every story

You say 


I hope that someday you can tell me your stories

Trust me with those scattered moments from your life

For Greyson

You are moments away from crawling 

Pulling yourself forward onto your belly

One leg always getting trapped

So that you are in half pigeon

I want you to crawl

To be able to get yourself where you want to crawl


You are only 7 months

8 in a few days

You are still my tiny one

I haven’t caught up to myself yet

Not since you were born

Yet you are racing forward anyway


For Greyson 

8 months

Of hills and mountains 

Of getting up in the night 

Of juggling the needs of two babies

You are small

I feel like I can see your rolls shrink by the day

I wonder

Am I enough for you?

Will I ever be enough?

The monster that has come for me

Tells me


But I keep moving forward

I keep setting my face toward danger

My heart on victory


For Everly 

You’ve learned the meaning of now

And now is when you want it

What you want 

Can not wait

So when you ask

For paint

Or strawberry milk

Or for me to hold you

You add ‘now’

To the end

A demand

Not a request 

It would be terrible for you

But I wish I could 

Give it all to you


I am just as impatient 

To hold you

To play with you

To watch you smile and down 3 sippy cups of strawberry milk

It is hard

To say over and over all day

Just a minute

Hang on

mama’s coming

And I just have to feed Greyson first

Fold the laundry first

Make breakfast first

It kills me when I realize that I must add to the list

So that

Just have to feed Greyson


Feed Greyson

And get a rag

And get him in his chair

You want it


And I can’t say that I blame you


For Greyson

Today you took a face first dip in the bath tub

You were reaching for the plug


I saw you go down

Your head almost going all the way under

And pulled you up

Sputtering and crying

I can still see you gasping now

How I wish I could hold you safe

To make sure nothing bad ever happened to you

But I know that it will

I know that when you went under

You were scared

But I was there

I was a little scared too

Even though it was only fractions of a second


For Everly 

I leaned down

Peeking around the yellow wood of the cabinets

“I love you, Everly”

Without prompting

You came running over 

And kissed me

It filled my Momma heart 

Which is so often heavy these days


For Greyson 

You cry like a little wildcat when you’re angry

Not so much screaming 

As making it known that you are lonely

You will not be soothed by words

Reassurances that I will be there in a minute 

That I’m coming

That I will hold you just after I do this one thing

My endless refrain

I don’t want you to have to be my little wildcat

I don’t want you to have to be anything

To get my attention 

So I’ll keep coming when you cry

When you yell

When my words are not enough 

Because you are loved my little middle child to be

Just as much as anyone else in this little family 

Thanks for reading! Sorry about the wonky photos... ever since Blogger updated it's really lame with uploading photos. 

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